Buy Me Things

I am going to die.

Not today, hopefully, but someday for sure.

I’ve written about my impending demise in the past, so there’s no need for me to re-hash that subject a second time.

Instead, I’m going to go ahead and jump right to the consumerism.

Buy me the bacon coffin pictured above.

Here’s the description from the product page:

Is there a better way to show your love of bacon forever than to be buried wrapped in it? We don’t think so.

This genuine bacon casket is made of 18 Gauge Gasketed Steel with Premium Bacon Exterior/Interior, and includes a Memorial and Record Tube, Adjustable Bed and Mattress and Stationary and Swingbar handles. It also includes a bacon air freshener for when you get that buried-underground, not-so-fresh feeling.

There are all sorts of unusual caskets out there – motorcycles, PBR cans, iPhones, tanks, Star Trek themes and more. We think that your final resting place deserves the eternal glory that is bacon.

No returns accepted.

Now try to tell me this isn’t something you want to rush out and buy me immediately.

It is a total win-win. First, I get to spend all of eternity enshrouded in bacon and it’s only $2,999.99 (plus shipping and handling).

They’re practically giving it away…more or less.