Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | November 11, 2011

Fatty Needs a Game Plan

I’ve been feeling kinda chunky lately.

I assume this has a lot to do with the fact that in the past two months I’ve gone nuts indulging on the finer things in life. Things like the Pumpkin Spice Latte during its annual stint or the oft-elusive McRib throughout its recent return from retirement.

The McRib is, unsurprisingly, not exactly health food. It’s a sodium-filled, sauce-laden piece of heaven, but it sure ain’t healthy. As of right now, I’ve had 27 of them in the past 26 days…so there’s that.

The infamous PSL is—well—basically a liquid McRib clocking in at nearly 500 calories and half a day’s worth of saturated fat. Luckily—for me—the Pumpkin Spice Latte has all but vanished from Starbucks for the season. I can very easily say that I had at least two dozen of those bad-boys, if not more, during its all-too-brief stay.

So, obviously, there’s that.

Toss in the fact that as summer has turned to fall, I’ve gone from playing softball three or four days a week to playing once a week and—as of last Sunday—not again until next spring.

All of this has me feeling like a fatty.

As is the case every winter, I’m contemplating the merits of re-upping with the gym to give me something to do all winter to avoid chunkin’ it up, but I also know how that turns out.

I usually get really into a gym regimen for awhile and it’s all going well, but then I get hella-bored.

I’ve found that I really, really dislike “working out” and find it to be insanely boring. If you asked me to play a sport, I’d be up for that, but working out just gets super monotonous.

So I’ll eventually get side-tracked from the gym either by a trip home (ie: Christmas vacation and/or fantasy baseball draft weekend) or some other reason that throws things off and then I never really get back into it after that.

Eventually my gym membership expires and I can operate under the assumption that I’ve paid my “fat tax” in the form of an overpriced pass to haphazardly move heavy objects around for a few hours a week.

I realize that I’m not in total fatty mode yet, in fact, I’ve oddly been losing weight since for awhile now. A couple of weeks back, I randomly dropped like ten pounds in the matter of a couple days.

I’m generally in the 185-190lbs range and randomly fell closer to 170-175lbs out of nowhere. So, if nothing else, I guess I’ve got my recent random weight loss to serve as a good start for avoiding my annual winter fattyfest.

I’ve already started with one babystep method; I’m taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. The problem is my knees f’n HATE me for it. I move up and down stairs like I’m six-hundred years old. It’s not pretty to watch.

I’m also thinking that once the McRib is gone again I need to reinstate the McDonald’s Embargo.

I could try this fancy and somehow effective junk food diet, but somehow I don’t think Grace would approve of this by any means.

That’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I’m sure there are other methods to avoid packing on some winter weight, but short of re-upping with the gym, I’m not sure what to do.

Anyone else out there have any “don’t get fat this winter” suggestions for a dude who hates the gym? If so hit ’em up in the comments section.



  1. #1. Fatty? Don’t even.

    #2. You’re already bulimic. What more do you want?


    • Re: #1. WORD.

      Seriously – you’re like Jessica Wakefield complaining about how hard it is to have perfect hair all the time.


    • Not fat, yet…but it’s coming. There’s a long winter ahead of me eating and drinking and putting on pounds by the dozen! The dozen I say!


  2. you lost 10lbs…… I can only assume that you have a tape worm…..


    • …or I’m dying?!


      • but don’t go to the doctor. PLEASE DON’T GO TO THE DOCTOR!


      • Okay, I won’t I promise!!

        Whew, that was close…thank Jebus you talked me out of that!!


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