Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | November 11, 2011

Tax Dollars Hard at Work

So there I was, getting a couple of McRibs—as I’m wont to do—and standing at the register beside me is a Cambridge police officer. In and of itself, that’s no big deal, cops gotta eat too, right?

What caught my eye is that the cop was, um, a bigger fella and he already had three gigantic bags of food and two drink carriers loaded up with soda and was still waiting on two more big ole bags of food that were in the process of getting filled with burgers, nuggets and fries.

The cop—obviously aware that myself and a few others were fascinated by his growing mountain of food—turned around after gathering the last couple of bags and decided to address all of us to dispel any notions we may have had about overindulging police officers.

Police McOfficer: “…just so you know, this isn’t for me.”
Random McGuy #1: “Um…okay.”
Police McOfficer: “Yeah, this is for the prisoners.”
Random McGuy #2: “The prisoners?”
Police McOfficer: “Yeah…when no one bails ‘em out, we’ve gotta feed ‘em.”
Cap’n Charisma: “You guys pay for McDonald’s for everyone locked up in the jail?”
Police McOfficer: “No…you do. It’s all tax-payer money that pays for this.”
Random McGuy #1: “Wait…really?! We’re paying for prisoners to eat McDonald’s?!”
Police McOfficer: “Yep. That’s your tax dollars at work.”

He then smiled all-too-jauntily and wandered off to load up his squad car full of sketchy fast food and head back to the local cop shop.

I’d like to say I’m all-kinds of angry and upset that my tax dollars are being pilfered on copious quantities of McDonald’s for criminals, but let’s be honest, I waste enough of my own hard-earned money on McDonald’s during McRib season that I’ve got no room to bitch about that.

Plus, McDonald’s—and the subsequent intestinal distress that generally accompanies it—figures to be a solid punishment for the criminals forced to choke that crap down.

My real concern with this situation is that the dude was probably completely full of shit and just wanted to eat ALL OF THE CHEESEBURGERS without anyone thinking any less of him for it.

I can’t help but think that jails have a system in place for, you know, feeding people. It seems like it’d be one of the basic must have things in order to operate a jail. Things like jail cells, heat, a security system and a place for criminals to poop.

Then again, we are in a recession.

I suppose it is entirely possible that the Cambridge Police Department’s budget for slop and gruel has been cut dramatically. If that is the case, it would make sense that prisoners have been forced to take a step back in the dietary department and settle for McDonald’s.

In either scenario—whether it’s a full of shit cop or poorly malnourished prisoners—I just wanted to let all y’all know what your tax dollars are up to…so, uh, you’re welcome…or something?!



  1. Huh, well I hope he was forced to get them McDonald’s apples as some sort of healthy alternative.


    • Nope it was all burgers, nuggets and fries. They were not f’n around. Maybe the plan was to kill off some of the prisoners via cholesterol and heart disease to reduce food costs?


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