Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | May 23, 2012

Kids are Selling Fake Drugs for Charity…Wait, What?!

Kids these days confuse the hell outta me.

It’s not just the baggy pants or the fact that they’ve allowed Ke$ha to continue making music or any of the basic “what the hell are they doing” kind of things.

Rather, I’m talking about the fact that because of today’s youth “Happy Crack” is a thing.

What’s “Happy Crack” you ask?

Well, honestly, I didn’t have any idea before I read the news story that prompted this write-up, but given that I’m highly-skilled reporter who likes to have all of his facts before making a public statement about anything, I did a quick Google search and found that my top two results were Urban Dictionary and what I assume is a 12-year-old girl on Yahoo! Answers.

The sketchy sources of my information notwithstanding, they both told me the same thing. It’s a mixture of Kool-Aid powder and sugar. That’s it.

Kids are snorting this crap to get high (or something) and carrying it around in plastic baggies and straws so that it looks like real crack and it seems that schools are cracking down on it pretty hard.

In fact, that’s how I first learned about the existence of “Happy Crack.” It seems that 12-year-old Alex Tome of Colorado Springs was recently suspended in an odd-sounding “Happy Crack” situation.

Here is the rundown from

He says he and a few other 7th graders at Falcon Middle School were suspended after buying these straws filled with “Happy Crack”… which is made up of orange or watermelon Kool Aid powder and sugar.

He says they paid 25 cents a straw, buying the concoction from a new student who was fundraising… trying to make money for the Kony 2012 movement… a project aimed at stopping the Ugandan warlord, Joseph Kony.

Alex says, “I made a mistake of buying something, but at the same time I also knew what it was. I’ve even researched it. They’re trying to make a good cause, but it turned out to be bad.”

Is this real life?

Kids are making what amounts to homemade Pixie Sticks and selling them to other students under the guise of raising money for charity.

Maybe I’m just old and skeptical, but I don’t think any of that money is going to charity.

I get the vibe that any kid who takes the time to brew up some “Happy Crack” and sell it off at 25 cents a pop is probably saving up for a Playstation 3, not attempting to oust a warlord on the other side of the planet.

Seriously though, kids are snorting sugar and Kool-Aid nowadays? Am I just really out of touch or is this, like, a real thing that people are doing?

I feel like you’re going to get the same “high” you’d get from pounding a couple of Red Bulls with No Doze, but with the added bonus of sinus infections and the horrible pain that comes with snorting anything.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t recall anyone doing lines of Pixie Sticks or Kool-Aid or that Fun Dip powder or anything like that back in my day, but I’m pretty sure I was a huge nerd, so maybe this is just one of those rites of passage that I missed out on whilst writing awful fiction on a typewriter.

Can anyone out there in blogland weigh on this one; is this a real thing or are these kids just freaks?!



  1. I have heard of this on the radio, but it was pixie sticks. This is horrible for the mucous membranes though. They also got infections, can’t remember if that was pixie stick related or something else a kid snorted. It’s silly and yes when I was in school some kids snorted pixie sticks. What can we say? Kids do dumb things.


    • Weird. I must have been a total nerd on the outside of this fad. Seems just ridiculous to me.


  2. What happened to sniffing glue, huffing toxic aerosol products or good old fashioned whip-its? Kids these days…


  3. Kids will put anything in their noses these days just to save their virginity for marriage! Wait did I go on a tangent?


    • …I think you may have missed the mark on this one, but thanks for one of the more disturbing images of my lifetime!


  4. In reference to the Kool-Aid Man: I don’t like when juice wears tights. It’s a horrible combination… a bowl of juice wearing tights.


  5. What I learned from this article is that crack apparently comes in different colors? I had no idea, but it’s good to know that I could coordinate it with my outfit, if necessary.


  6. YUCK!! It is news like this that makes me NOT want to have children. I guess both you and I missed this crazy rite of passage while we were young…while you were writing fiction, I was burying my nose in it, but mostly girly stuff like “Anne of Green Gables” or anything by Jane Austen…nerding it up, big time! 😉 A guess ALL children are freaks in one way of another!


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