Student Suspended and Arrested for…Burping

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but back in my day you didn’t get in any real trouble for burping in class.

A bunch of people would giggle. The teacher would usually tell you to knock it the hell off. You looked like a gross pig and there’s a good chance the cute blonde you were crushing on wasn’t going to let you drive her home after school, but that’s about all that happened.

Well, it turns out Bob Dylan was right, the times they are a-changin’…at least in New Mexico:

A 13-year-old was handcuffed and hauled off to a juvenile detention for burping in class, according to a civil rights lawsuit filed against an Albuquerque public school principal, a teacher and a city police officer.

The lawsuit alleges the boy was transported to the juvenile center without his parents being notified. It also says he was denied his due process rights because he was suspended for the rest of that school year without “providing him an explanation of the evidence the school claimed to have against him.” He was not allowed to call witnesses or defend himself against the burping allegation.

Now, I’m not a lawyer by any stretch of the imagination, but I gotta think the kid and his family probably have a pretty good case here.

The only defense the teacher, principal and police officer could use here is if the kid had eaten something super gnarly for lunch.

Seriously, like, if he’d gobbled down some sort of anchovy and garlic pizza or something.

And maybe he followed it up with some Indian food or onion rings.

If that’s the case, he’s probably some sort of walking bio-terrorism risk and they were totally justified in hauling his ass away.

Heck, they probably saved dozens of lives that day.

In fact, I think those folks should be revered as heroes not villai—…oh…wait, what’s that, internet?

You say the burping incident isn’t the only time this kid has been singled out by the school. Do tell, internet, what else happened?

[The lawsuit] also details a separate incident this school year when administrators became suspicious because the boy had $200 in his pocket.

He claimed it was because he was going to go shopping after school, but administrators accused him of selling pot to another student.

The boy asked to call his mother; instead, they forced the student to strip down to his underwear while five adults watched.

Oh…

Yeah, they’re f*cked.