Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 14, 2009

Joys of My Job

graves_the_librarian1

So I’m at the desk and this gal comes in and asks to renew a book.

Captain Charisma: “Sure, no prob…”

I look up her record and she has no books checked out. As such, I politely inquire as to what the hell she’s looking to renew. She informs me that she’d like to renew the book she returned last week.

Captain Charisma: “Ahhhh…you’d like to check it out again.”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…I want to renew it.”
Captain Charisma: “Check it out again.”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…renew.”

…I give up trying to get her to use the proper library jargon and ask her what the book is. She tells me she doesn’t know. She thought we’d keep a record of it. I give a brief explanation as to why we don’t keep records. Something about the Patriot Act and Guacamole. Whatever I said, she bought it. So she asked me to look it up…and this here, this is my favorite part….

Captain Charisma: “Okay then, what’s the title?”
Nerdy Chick: “Um…I don’t know.”
Captain Charisma: “…what?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Yeah, I don’t know.”
Captain Charisma: “Do you know the author?”
Nerdy Chick: “Nope.”
Captain Charisma:“This is going to be a little complicated.
Nerdy Chick: “It was white though.”
Captain Charisma:“…” (blank stare)
Captain Charisma: “So you don’t know the title. You don’t know the author.”
Nerdy Chick: “Correct.”
Captain Charisma: “…but you know the book was white?”
Nerdy Chick: “Correct.”

…I take a minute to gather my thoughts and repeat the mantra “NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN.”

Captain Charisma: “Okay…yeah we can’t actually search books by color…because…well that’s just sorta insane.”
Nerdy Chick:“Really?”
Captain Charisma:“…” (blank stare)
Captain Charisma:“Yes, really.”
Nerdy Chick: “I think I remember a few words from the title.”
Captain Charisma: “Excellent…let’s start there!”
Nerdy Chick: “Something about ‘engineering’ and ‘science’.”

 …again, I just sorta stare at her…with what I can only assume was a look of combined disgust, confusion and homicidal rage…see, because she’s in an engineering library where roughly 75% of the titles contain the words ‘engineering’ and/or ‘science.’

Captain Charisma: “Okay, we got roughly 4000 hits on that title combo…any chance you can remember more of the title?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Can I see the list?”
Captain Charisma: “…” (blank stare)
Nerdy Chick: “Can I?”
Captain Charisma: “You’d like to scroll through the list of 4000 titles until you see the one you’re looking for?”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…”
Captain Charisma: “Okay, we’re not gonna do that.”
Nerdy Chick: “Why?”
Captain Charisma: “Because I cannot even begin to fathom how that would be successful.”
Nerdy Chick: “Okay, well I think it had the word ‘statistics’ in there somewhere.”
Captain Charisma: “…you’re sure you don’t know the entire title?”
Nerdy Chick: “Nope…”
Captain Charisma: “Alrighty then…let’s search Statistics, Engineering and Science.”
Captain Charisma: “Okay then…that got like 40 results.”
Nerdy Chick: “Hmmmm…can I browse those?”
Captain Charisma: “Let’s stick with no.”
Nerdy Chick: “Okay…do you just want me to look it up?”
Captain Charisma: “Um…what?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Yeah, I have it written down in my notebook…but it’s buried in my purse and I didn’t want to dig it out.”

…then I beat her to death with a desensitizing brick.

…okay, not really…but I was this-f’n-close…instead I looked up the book and told her to hang onto the call number for the future and sent her off to find the book.

Moral of the Story: Just because someone is a brainy nerd does not mean that have even an ounce of common-sense.

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Responses

  1. You’d think that would be an isolated event, but no…

    Like

  2. Hehehehehehe that’s truly awful.

    Like

  3. hey! sometimes purses are really big and things are hard to find?

    Like

  4. […] written before of various experiences wherein people knew nothing more than the color of a book’s cover and assumed that would be […]

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