Joys of My Job

So I’m at the desk and this gal comes in and asks to renew a book.

Captain Charisma: “Sure, no prob…”

I look up her record and she has no books checked out. As such, I politely inquire as to what the hell she’s looking to renew. She informs me that she’d like to renew the book she returned last week.

Captain Charisma: “Ahhhh…you’d like to check it out again.”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…I want to renew it.”
Captain Charisma: “Check it out again.”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…renew.”

…I give up trying to get her to use the proper library jargon and ask her what the book is. She tells me she doesn’t know. She thought we’d keep a record of it. I give a brief explanation as to why we don’t keep records. Something about the Patriot Act and Guacamole. Whatever I said, she bought it. So she asked me to look it up…and this here, this is my favorite part….

Captain Charisma: “Okay then, what’s the title?”
Nerdy Chick: “Um…I don’t know.”
Captain Charisma: “…what?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Yeah, I don’t know.”
Captain Charisma: “Do you know the author?”
Nerdy Chick: “Nope.”
Captain Charisma:“This is going to be a little complicated.
Nerdy Chick: “It was white though.”
Captain Charisma:“…” (blank stare)
Captain Charisma: “So you don’t know the title. You don’t know the author.”
Nerdy Chick: “Correct.”
Captain Charisma: “…but you know the book was white?”
Nerdy Chick: “Correct.”

…I take a minute to gather my thoughts and repeat the mantra “NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN-NEVER-HIT-A-WOMAN.”

Captain Charisma: “Okay…yeah we can’t actually search books by color…because…well that’s just sorta insane.”
Nerdy Chick:“Really?”
Captain Charisma:“…” (blank stare)
Captain Charisma:“Yes, really.”
Nerdy Chick: “I think I remember a few words from the title.”
Captain Charisma: “Excellent…let’s start there!”
Nerdy Chick: “Something about ‘engineering’ and ‘science’.”

 …again, I just sorta stare at her…with what I can only assume was a look of combined disgust, confusion and homicidal rage…see, because she’s in an engineering library where roughly 75% of the titles contain the words ‘engineering’ and/or ‘science.’

Captain Charisma: “Okay, we got roughly 4000 hits on that title combo…any chance you can remember more of the title?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Can I see the list?”
Captain Charisma: “…” (blank stare)
Nerdy Chick: “Can I?”
Captain Charisma: “You’d like to scroll through the list of 4000 titles until you see the one you’re looking for?”
Nerdy Chick: “Yes…”
Captain Charisma: “Okay, we’re not gonna do that.”
Nerdy Chick: “Why?”
Captain Charisma: “Because I cannot even begin to fathom how that would be successful.”
Nerdy Chick: “Okay, well I think it had the word ‘statistics’ in there somewhere.”
Captain Charisma: “…you’re sure you don’t know the entire title?”
Nerdy Chick: “Nope…”
Captain Charisma: “Alrighty then…let’s search Statistics, Engineering and Science.”
Captain Charisma: “Okay then…that got like 40 results.”
Nerdy Chick: “Hmmmm…can I browse those?”
Captain Charisma: “Let’s stick with no.”
Nerdy Chick: “Okay…do you just want me to look it up?”
Captain Charisma: “Um…what?!”
Nerdy Chick: “Yeah, I have it written down in my notebook…but it’s buried in my purse and I didn’t want to dig it out.”

…then I beat her to death with a desensitizing brick.

…okay, not really…but I was this-f’n-close…instead I looked up the book and told her to hang onto the call number for the future and sent her off to find the book.

Moral of the Story: Just because someone is a brainy nerd does not mean that have even an ounce of common-sense.