It’s My Time to Shine (Against Adolescents)

One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong.

I think I’m going to play in the Little League World Series.

Now I realize that there are “technically” some age limitations that will prevent me from doing so, but if the California team can get away with running Bradley Smith out there every game and parading him as a “13-year-old,” I can sure as hell get in the game.

The dude is 6’3″ and weighs 183 pounds. I’m 6’3″ and weigh 180 pounds.

Given that I’ve got this awful new haircut that makes me look like a cross between He-Man and the kid on the Dutch Boy paint cans and I’ve already got the body of a 13-year-old boy; it would seem that all I need to do is shave off my super-manly beard and I could totally pass as a “big for his age” 13-year-old and get into this tournament.

Does anyone know if Iowa is eliminated yet? I think it’s time they call in a ringer.

I guess my only real concern is that I might get completely schooled by some of these 13-year-old pitchers.

I’ve been playing slow pitch softball for nearly a decade now. The last time I swung at any real, live baseball pitching was when I tried out for the Minnesota State baseball team my junior year.

(Blogger’s Note: I crushed it that day, by the way. Just ripping line drives all over the field like you read about.)

Maybe I should hit the batting cages before I go jumping into the game on this one.

I don’t doubt that my defense still plays well enough to hang with these little leaguers, but is there anything more embarrassing than going 0-for-4 with three strikeouts and a weak pop-up to the 13-year-old on the mound?

I think not.