Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | July 28, 2012

Dude Gets Stabbed at Post Office for Cutting in Line

Patience is a virtue.

It just happens to be a virtue that I don’t have.

Whether it’s getting trapped behind a gaggle of slow walkers, endlessly waiting for the oven to pre-heat so I can make some corndogs, mindlessly sitting through boring commercial after boring commercial just to get back to my show, or any one of a million other situations, I just don’t have more than 30-40 seconds worth of patience.

One situation that never fails to test my limited capacity for patience is waiting in lines.

I hate waiting in lines.

And I REALLY hate waiting in lines to accomplish small things that will inevitably only take a minute or two, but alas, there I am trapped behind a dozen other people doing my best not to lose my shit and start screaming like a lunatic.

It turns out that this is a pretty common emotion among people who lack patience and find themselves stuck in lengthy lines. I guess that’s why it wasn’t much of a surprise when I read about a dude who reacted—ahem—”poorly” when he believed someone had cut in line at a Maryland post office:

The victim got up to the postal window, but was told he would need to fill out more paperwork before completing his transaction. He was allowed to finish filling out the forms off to the side of the window and then come straight back to the counter.

A 67-year-old man who was waiting in line apparently thought the man was cutting in line when he returned the window. He exited the post office and waited in the vestibule for the victim to leave.

The suspect then stabbed the 58-year-old victim at which point two female postal employees intervened. At least one of the women deployed pepper spray in an attempt to subdue the attacker.

I’m not gonna lie, I know that it’s wrong, but I totally feel myself siding with the stabber over the stabbee in this one.

Now I realize that the dude who got shanked didn’t technically budge in line, but if I was waiting in line at the post office (easily my second least favorite place to get stuck in line, right behind the DMV) and I thought for just a second that you cut me off, I’d be on you like a pack of hyenas on a one-legged gazelle.

We’ve already established that poor patience and long lines bring out the worst in people, but if you want to throw a line-cutter into the situation, well—by golly—all hell is gonna break loose.

That type of savagery cannot stand.

Seriously, it’s practically a terrorist act.

I think there needs to be some serious protocol in place for stuff like this. If you don’t have your forms filled out, back of the line. If you don’t have the right kind of box or envelope, back of the line. If you take more than 30 seconds to decide if you want delivery confirmation, back of the line.

I hate waiting in the post office and every time I do, I’m inevitably stuck behind half-a-dozen people who appear to be making their maiden voyage into the world of mailing thank you notes and shipping cookies across the country.

The last time I went to the post office I was stuck behind a dude for 15 minutes while he tried to figure out how to pack the box, how to tape the box, where to put the address label on the box, and then asked about every add-on from insurance to online tracking.

When I got to the counter, I handed them the pre-packed, pre-taped, pre-addressed box and asked for delivery confirmation and then handed them a $10 bill. I was done at the desk in less than a minute.

So yeah, I get that I should feel bad for the dude who got treated like a pin cushion in this whole ordeal—and, admittedly, I think it sucks that he got stabbed over this misunderstanding—but I know at the end of the day, there’s a really good chance I’d have flipped my shit too.

Honestly, I’m surprised we don’t hear about a thousand situations like this every day.

Cutters get cut. Period.



  1. Moreso than ever, you’re really frightening me.


  2. It is indeed frustrating when someone cuts in the line when I’ve been standing in the place sweating like a dog but stabbing someone for that seems quite shocking.

    P.S: In addition to slow-walkers and Oven Pre-heating, there are these annoying youtube Advertisements which I am forced to watch for 5 seconds or 20 seconds.


    • OH MY GOD, YES!!!

      If I have to sit through the entire 20 or 30 second ad, I usually say “screw it” and just close the window and move on.


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