Slouchy McSloucherton Asks for Assistance

I’m a slouchy dude.

I’ve been one as long as I can remember and despite numerous attempts to unslouchify myself, I always end up looking like one of the first dudes on the evolutionary chart.

Slouching runs in my family. If you look at pretty much all of the men in the Graves clan, we’re slouchers. It’s just who we are. It’s not that we’re lazy or anything, it’s genetics.

Plus, for me personally, it actually really hurts my back if I’m not slouching. I’m sure that’s normal, right?!

Anyway, I’m hoping to make yet another concerted effort to thwart my sloth-like tendencies before I continue to further screw up my already constantly aching back.

I’ve decided that the best way to succeed in this attempt is to call upon all of you, My Faithful Readers, to help me out.

As such, I’ve devised this simple three-step system to ensure I stop slouching:

1) If you see me slouching once, tell me to knock it the hell off.

2) If you see me slouching again, punch me in the shoulder.

3) If you see me slouching a third time, beat me in the face with a pillowcase full of doorknobs.

Seems pretty simple, right?!

I can’t help but think I’m going to straighten out my act—and my back—pretty quickly with this kind of incentive floating over my head at all times.

Personally, I don’t see any holes in this game plan, let me know if you see something I’ve missed, otherwise, get on it, y’all, this back ain’t gonna fix itself.