Boobs! Brawls! Beers! Blades!

My Faithful Readers, I’m going to dispense some very important wisdom on y’all here today.

Get a pen and some paper and jot this down: “Sometimes people just don’t want to see your boobs.”

This line of logic may not apply in every situation, but it was certainly the case for Alicia Martin and Kathryn Rayannic, two Florida women who failed in their attempts to earn extra beer money by flashing male customers.

Here’s the rundown of the situation from an NBC affiliate in Florida:

Deputies say the duo ran out of money, so they bounced around the bar offering to expose their breasts to other patrons for money, so they could buy more beer.

“They were offering to show their boobs for drinks,” said waiter Shaun Bassett. “We had five guys that were like, ‘Please, leave us alone.’ They actually went up to tables who had their wives there.”

In fact, no one took the women up on their offer.

I’m not gonna lie, that’s a pretty rough night right there.

You go out. You have a few drinks. You run out of cash. You try to show your naughty-bits for a couple of bucks. You get turned down at every pass.

That’s rough.

Personally, I think that would be enough for me to call it a night, head home, and maybe spend a little time reevaluating what I’m doing with my life.

These ladies, well, they took a slightly different approach.

Rather than go home and chill out, they opted to get completely f’n rowdy and attempt to stab someone.

Here’s the rest of the story:

The other customers complained, and two restaurant employees, a male and a female, tried to get Martin and Ryannic to leave.

The arrest report says Martin shoved the female employee into a wall before walking the suspects out of the restaurant.

Once outside, deputies say Martin attacked the female employee, punching her in the back of the head.

The male employee jumped in and dragged Martin off the female employee. He took Martin’s keys as the female employee called 911, deputies say.

That’s when Martin allegedly pulled a knife and demanded the keys back. She allegedly charged the man, telling him she was going to stab him.

Deputies say the man backed off, so Martin put the knife away and attacked the female employee again.

Huh…well how’s about that.

I feel like maybe this wasn’t the best way to rebound from the whole “no one wants to see our boobs” thing, but what do I know, I’m not a psychologist.

As one might expect, both ladies were arrested and charged for their wild night on the town.

Martin is charged with “Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon” and “Battery.” Rayannic—the decidedly less batshit insane of the pair—was only charged with “Disorderly Conduct.”

Anyway, long story short…sometimes people just don’t want to see your boobs.

Remember this forever and for always!