Facebook is Bad at Presents

Facebook is trying to get me dumped.

Who in their right mind is going to click the random “Send Strawberries” button that appears at the top of the Facebook page?

Only a raging lunatic is going to make that move.

There’s desperation and then there’s DESPERATION and that’s the point you’ve got to be at with your Valentine’s Day gift-giving if you think that sending strawberries at four’o’clock in the afternoon on Valentine’s Day is a good idea.

Where the hell are these strawberries coming from?

Are there just magic internet strawberry fields somewhere? Is this the same people who do Edible Arrangements? Did Mark Zuckerberg grow ’em himself? I bet he did, that sneaky sumbitch. Always looking to diversify. First it was Facebook. Then it was adding the Wall. Then it was the News Feed. Then it was the chat function. Now it’s all about internet fruit sales. You’re crafty, Mark!

Anyway, long-story-short, Facebook is trying to get me dumped by duping me into sending sketchy internet strawberries late in the day on Valentine’s.

This is just straight-up lunacy and I will not have it!

Better luck next time, Zuckerberg.