Shout-Outs: White Board Cleaner

So I threw a quasi-impromptu BBQ last night and, as a result, my apartment looks like a tornado swept through here.

A big, drunk, muddy tornado.

Unfortunately, I don’t actually own a mop or broom of any sort. When we first moved in we were contemplating purchasing both items as they are generally deemed essential in any sort of worthwhile home.

Well I had this bright idea that we could get a Swiffer and it could serve dual-roles as both the broom and the mop. BAM…two for the price of one.

Well, as it turns out, the Swiffer kinda sucks.

Grace can’t really figure out how to use it, she generally just pushes dirt around the floor for like ten minutes before yelling at me that she hates the Swiffer and I need to come clean the floor.

I’ve grown to hate it because after I use it once, it quits picking anything up unless I change the weird little dryer-sheet-looking thing that you stick on the end of it. I figure at the cost of having to buy a new box of dryer-sheets every month or so kinda negates any initials savings from the broom/mop combo.

The other problem is the lack of the weird moppy sheet thingies…they are essentially baby wipes that you stick on the end of the Swiffer. I don’t have any of them. I buy them, use them and they never really seem to work at all. So I quit buying them.

And as such, I’ve got a gross muddy floor and no mop and no worthwhile broom and a girlfriend who will be flying back in like 11 hours.

I used the vacuum to do most of the “sweeping” and as I dug through our cupboards looking for some sort of cleaner for the floors and all I could find were knock-off versions of Febreze and Windex. Unfortunately, neither of the pumpy-things work…one of the common pratfalls of purchasing knock-off cleaning aids.

Then I saw it…a tiny bottle of Expo White Board Cleaner. I’m not entirely sure why we have a bottle of white board cleaner under our sink, you know…because our apartment doesn’t play host to a conference room or a parochial school…and as such, we’re not exactly knee-deep in dirty white boards.

I figured what the hell, it’s this or I pour fake Windex all over my floor.

The crazy thing is, white board cleaner is a freakin’ magic potion. Never in my life have I used a more effective cleaner, this stuff ate up the mud in like two seconds and gave my floor a pretty shine and a nice classroom scent.

I gotta be honest, Billy Mays should probably have a scream-filled infomercial endorsing this stuff. It has some sort of mystical cleaning power that I honestly feel a little uncomfortable having control of…it’s like I’m an all-powerful warlock or something.