Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | September 23, 2015

I. AM. IMMORTAL.

jitterylegs

If you’ve ever had to sit beside me for any stretch of time longer than about 30 seconds, you’re well-aware of the fact that I am a jittery fella.

No matter what the situation – in a meeting, on a bus, eating in a bar, waiting in line, giving a presentation, playing softball, etc. – my leg (or in some cases, both legs) is generally bouncing around like crazy.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: A) that would probably drive you f’n nuts and B) I might have a legit problem. Well, I refuse to give into the “restless legs syndrome” hype, mostly because that sounds like a fake disorder concocted to sell me real drugs just because other people get annoyed by my bouncing legs.

You see, I’ve got no problem with my jittery legs. In fact, I actually find the bouncing to be quite soothing.

On the other hand, people who are not me generally do have a problem with my jittery legs as they find them to be the exact opposite of soothing.

Luckily, it turns out that I’m going to have the last laugh over all of those people who are constantly telling me to stop fidgeting and sit still. How’s that you ask? Well, let me tell you, My Faithful Reader.

I’m going to have the last laugh, because thanks to this quaint little thing the kids are calling “science,” I’ve learned that my jittery legs are my ticket to immortality…more or less.

Or at least that’s what I’m taking away from this article The Guardian:

But a new study of more than 12,000 UK women suggests that those who claimed to fidget the most were apparently protected against the ravages of being seated. The women who sat still for hours on end were more likely to have died over the course of the study than those whose limbs tapped, wobbled and gently vibrated.

“Those of us who are more fidgety seem to have better long term health outcomes,” said Janet Cade, professor of nutritional epidemiology at the University of Leeds.

The findings suggest that work colleagues who are constantly tapping their feet might be encouraged to carry on rather than urged to stop, and that teachers might want to rethink their advice to similarly lively school children.

“It might be a good thing to fidget. I don’t think we are going to train people to fidget for health reasons, but it’s interesting that these small, active movements could be beneficial,” said Cade.

That’s right, y’all…jittery legs are totally going to be the hot new health craze.

It also means that my previous fears about getting a fat ass and dying due to my desk job are basically unfounded hogwash.

So there you have it. I’m immortal and all y’all who have hounded me about my jittery legs over the years already have one non-bouncing foot in the grave.

Boom…you’ve been science’d.

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Responses

  1. You also burn calories jiggling your legs. I had a college classmate who jiggled her leg constantly, sitting next to me. I had to resort to grabbing her leg because the constant motion in the periphery of my vision drove me crazy. Luckily, we’re still good friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve had plenty of people do that to me in meetings. I assume that if I had to sit next to me, I’d murder me in cold-blood.

      Like

  2. Being around my students all day, I get nauseous when everyone’s legs AREN’T moving all the time

    Like


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