Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 13, 2013

Things at Which I Suck: Neighbors

...and he never came back.

I might be a crazy person.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think I’m perfectly sane and all that jazz, but there’s an outside chance I’m off my rocker just a teensy-weensy-lil bit.

In the last couple of years—for no good reason whatsoever—I’ve taken to greeting the world whenever I open the door with a loud, boisterous “HELLO WORLD!!

I guess this is my way of facing the day head on and all that happy-crappy stuff and it’s had very few negative impacts. I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t feel pretty good when they start their day by screaming out at the world with the confidence and vigor of a viking elder?



Today, however, I swung open our back door, stepped out onto our deck (read: fire escape), and bellowed a hearty “HELLO WORLD!!

…only to see one of our neighbors in his backyard looking up at me like a scared ground squirrel who sees a hawk swooping in for the kill.

The poor guy was just hanging out back there in his Tom Brady jersey trying to get his grill ready for this afternoon’s playoff game when suddenly his pleasant morning was rocked by another fella in Patriots garb screaming greetings to the world at large…like a freakin’ lunatic.

He seemed to freeze in place and didn’t know what to do.

Feeling just a trifle embarrassed, I quickly scampered back inside the apartment to relay the happenings to Grace. We then watched from our kitchen window as he picked up the grill and just took off from the backyard.

He never looked back or anything; he just picked up the grill and walked right on out of the yard and down the street.

It’s been roughly 12 hours and the dude never came back. I fear that I broke him. I’m a horrible f’n neighbor.


  1. This is the true reason why I miss New England.


  2. Maybe he was stealing the grill.


    • Hmmmmmm…you know, I guess I hadn’t really thought of that. It would explain why he looked so freaked out when I popped out of the apartment.


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