I’ve made it no secret that I grew up a huge professional wrestling fan.
As such, it should come as no surprise that I was a total geek for the Ultimate Warrior as a kid.
You remember the Ultimate Warrior, right?
On the off-chance that you were not privy to the adventures of the Ultimate Warrior or if maybe Father Time has let him slip from your memory, here is a quick summation of his in-ring career:
That’s basically it.
He had colorful face paint and tassels and looked like he was a real-life version of the Incredible Hulk.
He ran down to the ring, he screamed, he flexed, he shook the ropes, he did the most simplistic, idiot-proof moves imaginable and that was about it.
Well, I guess that’s not all he did.
He also cut absolutely batshit insane promos too.
Seriously, we’re talking completely incomprehensible stuff. The dude might as well have been speaking in Martian with a Chinese accent. It was all complete nonsense.
In fact—because I love you all so very much—here is a compilation video of some of his “classic” promos:
Anyway, as a kid it didn’t really matter that he spoke gibberish and couldn’t wrestle; because he was a real-life superhero and that means that he was still the coolest thing in the world, despite all of his now painfully obvious short-comings as a performer.
That having been said, you definitely need to buy me this little nostalgia nugget that I found on ebay:
That’s right, it’s one of his personalized dusters from his horrendous stint in World Championship Wrestling in the late ’90s.
Naturally, you must buy this for me.
It’s 25% off!
It’s the Ultimate Warrior!
I have no idea why you’re still reading this when you could be clicking “BUY IT NOW.”
Seriously, time is running out y’all!