I think it is high-time we raise the threat level to orange, because Kim Kardashian has gone off of birth control.
That’s right, y’all, Kardashian and Kanye West are preparing to unleash their hell-spawn upon the unsuspecting populous.
Or at least that’s what they’re saying over at something called Tale Tela which is (and I quote) “One of the few urban websites in the UK that covers more celebrity gossip than you could imagine, in addition to keeping you up-to-date with new music as it is released.”
Well there you go. That seems to be about as legit as it gets, right?!
If anyone is going to know what’s going on in the personal-lives of two American celebrities, it’s the United Kingdom’s answer to TMZ.
Anyway, here’s the scoop from the aforementioned Tale Tela:
Kim Kardashian has reportedly stopped taking birth control in a bid to conceive a child with boyfriend Kanye West.
The couple, who began dating in April, are said to be so head over heels in love with each other that they are already keen to take their relationship to the next level. Although Kim isn’t yet divorced from her estranged husband, Brooklyn Nets basketball player Kris Humphries, sources say Kim and Kanye have already discussed having children.
Now, I know what you’re expecting here.
This is the point where I’m supposed to talk about how them producing offspring and perpetuating their narcissistic, look-at-me look-at-me lifestyle on a small child is pretty much the worst-thing ever.
Well, that’s not going to happen, because I am completely in favor of this decision.
Do I have issues with Kim Kardashian? Yes.
Do I have issues with Kanye West? Yes.
Do I have issues with them making babies? Heck no.
I think that this has the potential to be the best thing that has ever happened to Kardashian, West, or any of us.
Granted, that’s because I’m operating under the assumption that their offspring will be some sort of fame-whore version of those Matriphagous spiders and it will turn on both Kardashian and West and devour them shortly after birth.
At that point, we can unleash it on the rest of the Kardashian family (perhaps letting it visit Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Carrot Top in the process) before launching it into space where it cannot harm another living soul.
If they’re just going to have a regular ole-fashioned baby, however, I’m not down with this, not even a little bit.
(Blogger’s Note: What’re the odds of them naming the kid something crazy-stupid, like, Germanium Carburetor Stapler West-Kardashian?! I’d saying something like 2:1, right?!)