Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | August 8, 2012

Great Moments in Overreaction

The internet at our apartment is notoriously sketchy.

One minute I’ll be hanging out online, happy as a clam, and I’m just sitting there checking my fantasy baseball team, watching Ric Flair videos, checking out the most awesome t-shirts of the day, catching up with my favorite burger blog, or uploading new pictures of Honey when BOOM all of my pages go dead and I get the dreaded “unable to connect” message.

I generally flip out for a little bit, like the spoiled child of the 21st century that I am, and then proceed to walk ALL THE WAY across the living room to restart the router. Then I have to wait, like, a whole minute for it to start back up and allow me back on the internet.

I think it’s pretty evident that I’m living a hard-knock life.

Perhaps even the hardest, knockiest life of ’em all.

Despite the trials and tribulations that I must endure when the internet goes wonky on me, I have managed to maintain my cool and not go totally ape-shit when these situations arise.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Timothy Spiker, a 32-year-old raving lunatic from Maryland. Here are the details from the Cumberland Times-News:

A Cumberland man angry because his Internet service wasn’t working was jailed Sunday morning after he allegedly threw a cat out of the second-story window of an Altamont Terrace apartment and punched a female family member in the face, according to Cumberland Police.

Officers responded to the apartment around 8:30 a.m. and told Timothy Spiker, 32, to refrain from causing problems. After police left, Spiker allegedly continued to argue with family, threatened them and then grabbed the cat. When he went after a dog, a struggle occurred, resulting in the alleged assault.

Spiker was charged with second-degree assault, two counts of disorderly conduct and animal cruelty and was held in the Allegany County Detention Center on $7,500 bond.

Now obviously, I don’t condone tossing a cat anywhere, especially not out a second-story window. I’m also not a big fan of this whole “punching females in the face” thing (Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan excluded, obviously).

That having been said, you all read my war stories from above. I’ve been in the no-internet-service trenches. It’s a cold, hard place that isn’t built for everyone.

I get how a man could be pushed to the brink.

…especially this man.

Some people have the moxie to take it like a champ and some, like Timothy Spiker, snap when the chips are down.

Honestly, I think everyone got off pretty lucky in this situation.

We’re talking about a Sunday morning. Heck, we’re talking about a Sunday morning before 9am!! It’s entirely possible this dude hadn’t even had coffee yet. They’re all just lucky he didn’t burn the whole building down and try to take the Verizon Wireless kiosk at the mall under siege.

I get where he’s coming from, I truly do, but you’ve gotta be better than this to survive.

You’ve gotta rise up over adversity—and just play solitaire for a few minutes while the router restarts—like a real man (or woman or child or really anyone who has ever had to restart a router and had the wherewithal not to attack pets and family members).



  1. He should have punched or thrown out his computer instead! It was the source of his frustrations, anyway!


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