My most recent nemesis is a dude I’m calling Captain Shushalot.
Captain Shushalot is a dude who has drifted in and out of our lives at the libraries over the years, but he’s been back in full-force for the better part of the last month.
He earned his less-than-clever nickname by constantly shushing the staff at the service desk. Take note, this is not a good way to endear yourself to the library staff.
Beyond his moniker-earning trait, he’s also constantly complaining about our equipment—which we’re letting him use free of charge—and trying to talk people’s ears off about politics. We’ve picked up a not-so-subtle vibe that he’s part of the 9/11 Truth Movement.
Yours truly and other staff members have had some words with him about his blatant douche-baggery and he’s largely stopped the whole shushing thing, he’s decided to lighten up on bitching about the equipment, and he has decided to be a bit more choosey about whom he preaches his politics to.
That having been said, even a toned down version of Captain Shushalot is still incredibly annoying.
For instance, I came upstairs to the desk for my shift at noon today and what did I spy with my little eye? Well by golly, it was Captain Shushalot sitting in front of a black computer screen. I thought that seemed a little odd, but he’s a whole lotta odd, so I let it slide.
A few minutes later, I heard snoring.
To be more precise, I heard very loud snoring and so did the two other patrons using the public computers who turned and stared at the source, Captain Shushalot. At this point, it didn’t take a detective to figure out that he wasn’t “staring” at a blank computer screen, he was out cold.
So I went and woke him up in the nicest way a guy can wake up someone that he detests.
I walked up, tapped him on the shoulder, and we had this pleasant exchange:
Cap’n Charisma: “Wake up! You can’t sleep here. If you want to take a nap, do it in your living room. This equipment is for research, not catnaps.”
Captain Shushalot: “I wasn’t sleeping.”
Cap’n Charisma: “You were snoring and I could hear it over at the circulation desk.”
Captain Shushalot: “No, I wasn’t snoring. I wasn’t sleeping. I was concentrating.”
Naturally, I paused when I heard this.
It was like my brain temporarily froze trying to register the fact that he was going to argue that he hadn’t been sleeping, despite the fact that he was just sawing some serious logs no more than 30 seconds earlier.
Cap’n Charisma: “…you were concentrating?”
Captain Shushalot: “Yes. Not sleeping.”
Cap’n Charisma: “…and the snoring?”
Captain Shushalot: “I wasn’t snoring. I was concentrating.”
Cap’n Charisma: “So if you weren’t snoring, what was that noise?”
Captain Shushalot: “I didn’t hear any noise and I was concentrating, so I definitely would have heard it.”
At this point I realized I was following this nutjob down the rabbit hole and that was a trip I didn’t feel like taking, so I let out a long, annoyed sigh and left him with some parting words.
Cap’n Charisma: “Whatever…just remember that there’s no napping here or you’re out.”
I walked away while he kept mumbling about “concentrating” and “phantom noises” or some other load of horseshit.
I really want this dude to do something that warrants kicking him out for good; because, if he doesn’t, I fear I’m going to destroy all of our computers so he’ll be forced to go somewhere else…and I can’t imagine that’s good for my job security.