There are entirely too many kinds of Oreos.
I was in the grocery store last night and when I walked through the cookie section I literally stopped on a dime, completely in shock that Oreos alone took up half-a-dozen shelves.
Seriously, a quick glance at the Oreo product page shows dozens of varieties.
There are the old standbys, original Oreos and Double Stuf, but then things go off the rails in a hurry. There are the seasonal varieties with the yellow crème for spring, the orange crème for Halloween, and the red crème for winter. I guess I can handle that.
They occasionally do football shaped ones for football season, that’s not a big deal, I guess. They also do the mini-sized ones for little kids and stuff, that’s no biggy.
After that, however, is when all hell breaks loose.
There’s Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Fudge Dipped, Mint, Mint Fudge Dipped, Berry Blast Ice Cream, Triple-Double, Fudge Dipped, Double Stuf Fudge Dipped, White Fudge Dipped, Golden, Fudge Dipped Golden, Golden with chocolate crème and about a bajillion other kinds.
That’s not even factoring in all of the varieties of Oreo Cakesters and Oreo Brownies and other Oreo spinoffs that live in the same part of the store.
What’s the point of all this, you ask?
My Faithful Readers, the point is this…I bought some Oreos.
I didn’t have any intention of buying Oreos but when presented with a never-ending wall of options, I couldn’t say no. I tried, but sensory overload pretty much washed out all rationale thinking.
Unfortunately, I also made a mistake I’ve made too many times in my life and I let curiosity get the better of me.
That’s how I ended up buying these:
That’s right, My Faithful Readers…they also make Birthday Cake Oreos wherein the standard crème is replaced with birthday cake frosting, complete with sprinkles.
It turns out that Oreo celebrated its 100th birthday on March 6th—congrats!—and that’s why they’re rolling out yet another variety, albeit for a limited time only.
Admittedly, they aren’t the worst thing in the world.
The problem is that they are insanely sweet and the “cake frosting” tastes like Oreo crème that’s been flavored to taste like cake frosting…you know…as opposed to actually tasting like cake frosting.
All-in-all it was an unwise purchase, but I can now say that I’ve tried ‘em.
As for what to do with the rest of the package? I suppose I’ll unleash them on my unsuspecting co-workers.