My Faithful Readers, there is a very good chance that I’m going to be brutally murdered in the near future.
Now, I realize that seems like an awfully bold statement with which to open a blog post, but hear me out.
I’m notorious for going through and making large, machete-like cuts to my bloated “friends” list on Facebook.
In fact, I once wrote a whole post detailing the criteria that I use when I make these—now quarterly—cuts to the official “friends” roster.
As it turns out, what I view as good online house-keeping can actually get you killed:
A father who was upset after a Tennessee couple deleted his adult daughter as a friend on Facebook has been charged in the shooting deaths of the couple, authorities said Wednesday.
The victims had complained to police that Marvin’s Potter’s daughter was harassing them after they deleted her as a friend on the social networking site, Johnson County Sheriff Mike Reece said Wednesday.
Potter, 60, has been charged with two counts of first-degree murder in last week’s slayings of Billy Payne Jr. and his girlfriend, Billie Jean Hayworth. The couple was shot to death in their Mountain City home in the far northeast corner of the state. Their 8-month-old baby was found unharmed in Hayworth’s arms.
This is real. This isn’t from The Onion, this is f’n real.
We live in a world where someone’s dad will show up at your house and kill you in cold blood for dumping his daughter as a Facebook friend.
I have dumped close to 400 people from Facebook in the last couple of years and often I made a point to make a spectacle out of it on Facebook.
(Blogger’s Note: …because, you see, I’m an attention-whore.)
Needless to say, my life could be in danger at any second.
If you’re reading this and I’ve dumped you in one of my Facebook “friend” purgings, I’m sorry that you took it personally. I really am, but let’s be honest here…did we really interact? Did we banter? Did we post links back and forth? Did we even poke one another?
If not, get the hell over yourself.
In fact, just thinking of this is getting me riled up and makes me want to finally dive into the pack of “friends” from high school that I’ve left lurking simply out of obligation.
Perhaps I’m not taking the right message from this horrible tragedy, but I do know that I’m not going to live in fear of getting killed for dumping someone from Facebook.
Oh yeah and I’m also buying life insurance.
…and maybe some Kevlar.