Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 24, 2012

Why I Refuse to be Heidi Klum’s “Rebound Guy”

Unless you’ve been hiding from the internet and television for the last couple of days, you’ve undoubtedly heard that Heidi Klum and Seal are getting a divorce.

It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to assume that Ms. Klum—nicknamed “The Body” for very good reason—will have no shortage of potential suitors lining up to play the role of “rebound guy.”

The thing is, I can’t help but think that might be a very, very bad idea.

The reasons for this are two-fold.

First, there’s the fact that the major reason for their divorce is reportedly Seal’s temper:

Heidi Klum is divorcing Seal largely because she has had it with his volcanic temper … TMZ has learned.

Sources directly connected with the couple tell us … Heidi’s decision to divorce Seal has nothing to do with a third person. There is NO issue of infidelity.

But Seal’s inability to control his anger has become too much for Heidi to take, in no small part because it’s affecting their children.

Obviously all of Klum’s potential paramours are likely to blow this off thinking that he won’t be around to get his crazy on, they’re gonna be divorced and living apart.

No worries, right?!

Well, that’s where the second of my reasons for passing on that “get back on the horse” date with Heidi Klum comes into play.

You see, Seal—the guy with the terrible temper—is still wearing his wedding ring and saying things like this:

“It’s just pretty much a token of how I feel about this woman.”

“We have eight years, eight wonderful years together. Just because we have decided to separate doesn’t necessarily mean you take off your ring and you’re no longer connected to that person. We will be connected in many ways ’til the rest of our lives.”

“But right now it feels really comfortable on my hand so I have no intentions of taking it off anytime soon.”

Obviously he was going for “sweet” or “romantic” or something there, but to me that came off as drastically more creepy and unnerving than anything else.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I’m pretty certain Seal is going to kill anyone and everyone who even makes wayward eye contact with Heidi Klum anytime in the near future, let alone the first poor sumbitch who actually tries to take her out to dinner and a movie.

Seriously, the dude is going to be dumping bodies into the ocean with reckless abandon for weeks on end.

Dang near every report I’ve read has said that Klum is the one who initiated the divorce. I guess that’s why it’s not overly surprising that he seems like he’s not quite ready to move on yet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t give Heidi a call and a “what’s up girl, how you doin’?”

I just think it might be wise to let someone else be the first dude to give it a whirl, you know, just in case.


  1. Wise decision.


    • I like to think so, I just foresee it ending poorly.

      …and by poorly, I mean with me at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean tied to some cinder blocks.


  2. … plus she’ll want to keep the kids. How are you going to have any fun with them kids following her wherever she goes?

    On a more serious note, I don’t know why men think it’s okay to have bad tempers and explode at the one they profess to love? ANGER MANAGEMENT, hello!!! Dang … I had hopes for this couple to prove me wrong about marriage. Once again, I AM RIGHT! 🙂


    • Man, the kids would totally get in the way. Celebrities are allowed to sell off their kids once they get divorced, right?! I could have sworn that was a law or something?!

      …yeah, I’m never surprised when a celebrity marriage ends anymore. I think it is best to assume there are no exceptions to the rule and every celebrity marriage (no matter how wonderful it may seem) always has an expiration date.


  3. Rental children – the solution to so much.


    • You’re bringing the a-game today! That’s a bajillion dollar idea waiting to happen.


  4. I doubt anyone anywhere near this post now or in the future will be able to afford…


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