Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 16, 2012

Crime Doesn’t Pay (or Refund)

Do you ever have one of those moments where you’re reading the news and you come across something so stupid that you could swear you’ve accidently stumbled onto a parody news site like The Onion, The Daily Mash or Fox News?

I had one of those today when I read about a woman named Suzanne Basham.

Basham, 47, lives in Springfield, Missouri, and had a problem with a drug dealer so she called the cops to report it.

That seems simple enough, right?

I mean, drug dealers are bad news and should probably be reported to the cops since they are, you know, drug dealers and all that.

It certainly sounds like a non-issue, but once you dig just a wee-bit further, you find out that’s not really the case.

It turns out that her issue with the drug dealer had less to do with him being a drug deaerl and more to do with him being a liar and thief.

Here’s the scoop from the Huffington Post:

[She] was none too pleased to discover the crack cocaine she bought was actually plain old sugar. The Springfield, Missouri woman was not about to be ripped off, and allegedly called the police to report her dealer.

According to the police report, on Jan. 10 Basham called the cops to report her dealer for theft, telling them she paid $40 for crack cocaine and was given sugar instead.

In addition to reporting the dealer for theft, she also asked requested that the police go arrest the dude AND refund her money.

The story neglects to mention whether or not she also requested that they bring her some real crack cocaine, but I wouldn’t rule it out. I mean, they were already out and about anyway, right? It’s the same as swinging through the Burger King drive-thru on your way home. It’ll only take a few minutes.

Anyway, things ended about as you’d expect them to in a case of such immense stupidity.

Pictured: NOT Crack Cocaine

The cops went to the address Basham had given them and the folks living there politely denied having sold drugs (or sugar) to anyone. They then denied the warrant-less cops entry and that was the end of that adventure.

In a fun—and altogether unsurprising—twist, however, Ms. Basham was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia when the cops swung back by her apartment and found—surprise, surprise—a crack pipe.

Now, roughly a month ago, I wrote a blog entry about how bad criminals have gotten at, well, being criminals and I’m not gonna lie, Suzanne Basham is doing nothing to help the cause.

If you want to be a crackhead, that’s fine and dandy. Seriously, have a blast. Do your thing. Don’t knife me for drug money and I could probably care less, but come on…calling the cops to complain that your dealer ripped you off?

That’s such an amateur move.

I mean, the Better Business Bureau exists for a reason, right?! If this isn’t that reason, I don’t know what is.

Get it together criminals, you’re just embarrassing yourselves.



  1. Nobody ever said crackheads were the sharpest tools in the shack.


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