Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 12, 2012

The Airlines Want You to Murder People (More or Less)

When it comes to flying, I’ve got a serious love/hate relationship.

I love the ability to fly places in a fraction of the time it would take to drive. I love wandering around airports. I love the whole idea and excitement of travel.

What I hate is all of the bullshit that flying entails.

I hate dealing with the lengthy, time-sucking security lines. I hate the “hurry up and wait” approach that the airlines use. I hate the cost and all of the baggage restrictions.

Most of all, however, I hate the tiny freakin’ seats.

I’m a pretty big dude and I just don’t fit.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a giant or a fatty or anything, but I am a guy with some lanky limbs who really doesn’t like getting tucked into a seat meant for someone about eight inches shorter.

Whenever I’m on an airplane it is safe to go ahead and describe my mood as “less than pleasant.”

It seems that I’m not alone on this one either.  Earlier this week, two passengers nearly came to blows as a result of the tiny seat experience we’ve all come to know and loathe.

Here are the facts according to the Daily Mail:

It started when an 18-year-old sitting in economy class moved his seat back to sleep.

The 38-year-old passenger sitting immediately behind him was about to eat his in-flight meal at the time.

And when he asked the youth to put his seat back up while he ate a major row broke out.

The pair traded insults and leapt up from their seats in a head-to-head confrontation.

Apparently, this thing got pretty heated and it took the crew quite a while to get ‘em calmed down. The captain was apparently so worried about the situation that he radioed ahead and cops were waiting to have a little discussion with both dudes once they got off the plane.

Now, I get that the 18-year-old didn’t technically do anything wrong here.

I totally agree that when you pay for your seat, you pay for the right to recline your seat as you see fit.

If you pay $500 to sit in a child-sized chair whilst being launched through the air in an over-sized Pringles can, you’ve certainly got the right to lean that sucker back and take a nap, I’m not even going to try and argue that fact.

The thing is, whenever I’m on a plane and the person in front of me reclines their seat, I totally lose my shit. Seriously, like, every single time it has ever happened, I still react like I’ve just lost my airline innocence and I go into a white-hot rage.

I know it’s completely illogical, but I can’t help it. I’ll do that douchey thing where you sorta keep nudging their seat with your knees. Just enough to annoy them, but not enough to make it seem intentional, you know, just a tall guy trying to get comfy.

Holy Shit, a Lemon Wedge!!

It’s a total dick move, I know it, but I can’t control myself.

When I get 30,000 feet in the air, I lose all ability to think logically; everyone does, really. Why do you think everyone on board gets so freakin’ jazzed up over an eight-ounce sippy-cup of ginger ale?

Logic is out the window at the altitude.

I never recline my seat on a flight and I have zero intention of ever doing so, I’m perfectly fine with sitting straight-up the entire time. It’s not comfortable and it’s kind of annoying, but I know what happens when you’re on the other end and trying to read a book when the person in front of you decides to knock it out of your hands by dropping his seat right in front of your face.

I don’t want to be that guy on a flight.

The dude above flipped his shit because this kid dropped his seat into his meal and then refused to sit back up so he could eat. I totally get it.

Until they start making planes where none of the peasant seats recline, the airlines are basically just begging people to get into high-altitude bloodbaths.

It’s a freakin’ murder waiting to happen.



  1. I find that the best way to deal with a leaner is to talk rationally to them. I simply explain that I am tall and that the real bad guys are the airlines that don’t give us enough leg room. If that doesn’t work, a quick jab to the throat will do the trick.


  2. I’m happy to be normal people size


  3. Dude, chill. People are going to recline and I sure as hell don’t want to get myself even more miserable on a flight by starting a brawl. Or sitting there seething the whole time.

    I’ve got long legs too. My solution? Recline. 😉


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