Nightmare Fodder: Children’s Toys

If you were able to look at that and not wet yourself, you are a much better, stronger, braver person than I am, my friend.

My niece got this thing for Christmas and at first (read: when it was still flat and harmless) it seemed like a pretty innocuous child’s toy.

Then we blew the sumbitch up.

First and foremost, I’ve got a bad lung. I tried to blow it up and I’m fairly sure I died two or three times in the process. That alone caused a bit of animosity between me and the bear.

Luckily, my Mama found an air pump (somewhere between my second and third deaths) and we blew this sucker up.

Once he was fully-inflated, it all become very clear that this wasn’t just some run-of-the-mill child’s toy. You see, that’s when it looked me right in the eyes and stole my f’n soul.

Seriously, is this not the scariest f’n thing you have ever seen?

This thing is the devil incarnate.

My Pappy was playing with my niece and peering it around corners and up over the side of chairs and couches and it was all I could do not to scream like a small child myself and run off crying.

This damn thing is the stuff nightmares are made of, folks. I can imagine this sucker just peering up over the edge of the bed in the middle of the night.

Nothing but his crazy eyes staring at me.

Watching.

Waiting.

It’s twisted stuff, y’all.

Now I gotta know if I’m alone on this one…is this thing scary or not?