Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 4, 2012

Nerds Want Me to Rob Them

My Faithful Readers, I come to you today in need of advice.

Roughly a year ago, I blogged about how my neighbors wanted me to rob them and y’all dispensed plenty of helpful advice to guide me to make the right choice.

Granted, the bike I was looking to swipe vanished almost immediately after I took the question public, so the decision was more or less made for me, but that’s neither here nor there.


Today’s question doesn’t involve my desire to swipe a bike and doesn’t even involve me stealing anything tucked behind a dumpster.

I consider the latter to be a big plus. It is a very special (read: very stabby) kind of person who hides their valuables behind a dumpster.

What I need your help with today revolves around this:

That’s right, folks…it’s an abandoned laptop (and bag that is probably full of gold bricks and cocaine).

I am not a big fan of laptop thieves as they tend to be awful scummy peeps who gravitate toward collegiate libraries and steal from unsuspecting, stressed-out, all-too-trusting students.

That having been said, I think I want to steal this laptop.

It has been sitting there, unattended for the bulk of the day. I walked by at roughly a quarter to eleven this morning when I was on my way to another library for a desk shift. It was still there and still unattended when I came back an hour later after the shift.

I went to lunch a couple of hours later and there it sat, still unattended, just waiting to be stolen. When I came back from lunch, about twenty minutes or so later, there it was. That’s when I snapped this shot.

You can see a note on the keyboard, that’s from me, basically telling them I could have been a thief and letting them know it is pretty f’n dumb to leave a nice looking laptop just chillin’ on a desk for hours on end.

So let’s hear it in the comments section, what’s a dude to do in this particular situation?

The owner of the laptop clearly seems as though they’d like me to help relieve them of the burden that is laptop ownership, but I also have this nagging sense of “don’t be a dickbag” that tells me I probably shouldn’t steal someone else’s stuff…no matter how dumb and careless they are with it.

What say you, My Faithful Readers?

Do I give it until the end of the day and then lay claim to it?

Do I leave it alone?

Do I use it to post links to my blog on all of his/her friend’s Facebook pages to increase my readership?

Do I hide it and leave a ransom note so I can earn a little scratch outta the deal?

Hit it up in the comments and let me know what is the best course of action in this particular situation.



  1. Considering this is at your job I wouldn’t steal it. However why don’t you scare the pi$$ out of the kid and place it in the lost and found.


    • Technically, it isn’t my problem at all. It’s not actually in any of the libraries, it is between a couple of ’em out in one of the hallways. I think if I pick it up and bring it all the way to one of the libraries and stick it in the lost and found, that pretty much is the same as me stealing it at that point…b/c I’d be lugging it halfway across campus in either direction.


  2. I would agree take it to the desk. Then if no one claims it like if they went to the bathroom and got shanked so they won’t be coming back then in 10 days its yours…..just an idea.


    • It’s not actually in the library. It is out in the open between two libraries, thus meaning I’m in no way responsible for it.


  3. Yeah…well now if the laptop is stolen it wouldn’t matter because everyone would think it was you who thieverised it. You better protect it with all of your might now as you would be suspect numero uno!

    Thank you for not using my forebidden word…it is appreciated!


    • I suppose, I should go stage a sit-in around the damn thing until the owner comes back, huh?!

      It’s really the only way to clear my name now.


  4. The MIT cops have set up stings like this in the libraries years ago, so maybe it’s a set-up and now you are their #1 suspect since you’ve been hovering over it all day?


    • I thought about that too.

      When they tried it in the libraries they were using a 600 year old laptop or something, this one is pretty nice.

      Odds are I’m totally on a watchlist now…and I’m sure blogging about it certainly helps matters.


  5. Gigggling from beginning to end! I thought I was the only one who thought things like that. Totally loved the note – #Idothattoo


    • It’s always tough deciding between the note or straight-up theft when I want to teach people a little personal responsibility. Luckily, my desire to stay out of jail usually edges things in the note’s favor.


  6. I would question why you are so apt to steal anything.


    • Not that I want to steal it so much as it is painfully obvious that the owner of the laptop would like someone help relieve them of the troublesome burden of laptop ownership and I’m always looking to help. 🙂


  7. I would put it in with the dictionaries and wait for the person to come back and ask about it. Then I would have them wait while I went outside and broke into their car and stole their dog and weed from the ashtray. Then I would get their address and go over to their house at midnight and climb down the chimney. Then I would take their Christmas presents back to my cave on top of the mountain and…..


  8. Go with your instinct…nick It especially if you don’t have a laptop. It is a helluva lot cheaper than buying a laptop.If you have a laptop and just want money for selling it I suggest you don’t sell it at a pawn shop cause apparently cops check for stolen stuff there and the pawn shops ask for Id (near me anyway) but it would suck if the dude or his friends are nearby and you get caught.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: