Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 23, 2011

Things at Which I Suck: Wrapping Presents

If you’ve ever received a gift from me, this entry comes as no surprise. If you haven’t, let me get right down to the nitty-gritty…I am an absolutely awful gift wrapper.

We’re talking total train wreck here folks.

You’d think that after 20-something years of wrapping gifts I’d have this crap figured out by now, but unfortunately, that’s not the case.

No matter how big or small or complicated or simple the gift might be, it is going to end up looking like some sort of gift wrap monster came along and just threw up all over it before kicking it around the room a few times.

I don’t really get how this happens.

One second I’m a competent, fully-functioning adult who manages to get dressed without any major issues—questionable fashion sense notwithstanding—and I am able to go through all the rigors of my daily life without any major issues.

But the second you hand me a roll of wrapping paper and some tape it’s like I turn into some sort of awful hybrid of Helen Keller, Stevie Wonder and Edward Scissorhands.

I’m just tearing the shit outta paper, taping thing at awful angles, measuring things like I’m trying to convert from the metric system and can’t quite figure it out. It is a complete and utter pile of garbage every time.

Seriously, I was just wrapping a box and screwed it up. Not a weird child’s toy with odd angles or anything, but just a plain old box.

It seemed to start off well enough and the entire time I was wrapping it, everything seemed to be going well.

The edges were lined up. I hadn’t torn the paper. I hadn’t accidentally taped anything to the wrong place.

Yet, when it was all said and done half the box was still showing and none of the edges were as lined up as they’d seemed mere minutes before

There’s a chance I’m cursed y’all.

Granted, it’d be the single lamest curse of all-time, but I think that’s exactly what’s up.

…that or I just really, really, really suck at wrapping gifts.



  1. Not able to relate. I ROCK at gift wrapping and get the “Wow! I’m impressed!” type of congratulations. You’re welcome.


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