Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 18, 2011

Judging a Book By Its Cover

Fun Fact: Loves to Cuddle

Sometimes it’s a-okay to judge a book by its cover.

In fact, if the cover looks anything like Michael Pratt (the creepy dude pictured to the right), it’s okay to judge it and file a restraining order against it ASAP.

Despite the fact that this dude looks like, well, this f’n dude some gal down in Florida thought he seemed like a swell guy and went on a date with our neck-tatted friend.

Their romantic evening led them to the Coob Theatre in Tampa to catch a movie—feel free to write your own punchline about what movie they were attending—when he told her he needed to run back out and get something from the car.

She gave him the keys and—SURPRISE, SURPRISE—he didn’t come back.

Pratt made off with her car and when she called him to see what the hell was going on, he replied in exactly the way you’d expect…he laughed maniacally into the phone and told her he stolen her car and then hung up.

Who the hell is this guy?

He’s acting like he’s some sort of diabolical super-villain, but all he did was drive off in a car that he’d be given the keys to and then he wants to laugh and lay out his devious crime like he’s a f’n Bond villain or something?


The car, a silver 2012 Ford Focus, was a rental and the lady who had been quasi-carjacked didn’t want to make a fuss right away, apparently Hertz frowns on your handing over the keys to ex-cons, so she waited for two days before bringing the cops into the situation.

The cops didn’t play a real big role in retrieving the car, because just a mere four days after their unforgettable first date, Pratt called her to say—and this figures to surprise none of y’all—that he’d taken the car to a Wal-Mart and left it in the parking lot.

Worst. Criminal. Ever.

Needless to say, they busted his ass a few days later. I assume he was snooping around outside her house so he could sneak out from behind a bush and yell “BOO” really loudly.

You know, because he’s just really, really good at mischief and chicanery.

In the end, Pratt was charged with grand theft auto, a crime which he spent more than a year in prison for previously. You know, in addition to fraud, uttering forged bills and failing to return rental property.

So, uh, yeah…sometimes go ahead and judge a book by its crazy, tattooed, mo-hawked, pierced up cover.



  1. It’s really nice neck that gives him away as a jailbird. They lift a lot of weights in jail, or so I’ve read. I saw this guy hitchhiking alongside the highway last month. He was covered in blood and had a bloody axe….so I picked him up. More about that later.


    • Nothing says “let’s have a nice romantic first date” quite like a good neck tatt.


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