Lexus Can Kiss My Ass

I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I’m pretty much sick and tired of Lexus in every conceivable way.

It used to simply be annoying when they’d roll out the annual “December to Remember” thing and shove it down our throats.

I mean seriously, there’s nothing like getting an annual reminder that you’re a poor schmuck. And while you’re busy being a poor schmuck there are other people out there that are hella-rich and wanna rub that all up in your face.

Not sure what I’m talking about?

Well every year, right around Christmas, Lexus kicks off a series of pretentious commercials that show rich people handing out new cars like they’re f’n nickel and dime stocking stuffers.

The commercials go something like this:

Rich Dude: “Hey Honey, when you’re done rolling around in that pool filled with the blood of clubbed baby seals, I’ve got a surprise for you!”
Rich Dudette: “Really, what is it?”
Rich Dude: “Well it’s a Lexus with an obnoxiously large bow on it!”
Rich Dudette: “Ah, how fun. Let’s go eat bald eagle steaks and kill homeless people for sport.”
Rich Dude: “Only if we can count our gold whilst doing so…”
Rich Dudette: “…but of course.” *burns stack of $100 bills because they’re not green enough*

(Author’s Note: I might have taken a little bit of creative license in recreating a typical Lexus commercial.)

Anyway, the series has always been annoying and kind of a big ole “fuck you” to those of us who have to struggle and take on extra shifts and hours to scrape together enough cash to buy Christmas presents for our families.

But this year, the uppity-turds at Lexus have taken this whole thing to a brand new level. They are now assuming that people actually know the f’n jingle from these commercials by heart.

The whole sales pitch is based on this tagline:

“When you hear that song, you know it’s time for the Lexus December to Remember Sales Event.”

…who in the blue hell knows this f’n song?!

According to Lexus, rich people know it like nobody’s business…

If that isn’t enough to make you get up, walk away from your computer and go key obscenities into the side of a luxury sedan, I don’t know what is.

It was one thing to show rich people passing out fancy-ass cars like it’s no big deal to just hand someone a $60,000 car, but for those asshats to think that they’re somehow iconic enough for folks to recognize the jingle associated with their once a year sales pitch…well that’s just too f’n much.

If there was a way to punch Lexus in the junk, I’d do it and then I’d help Lexus back up just to smack ’em in the face with a boat oar and shove ‘em in a mud puddle.

Given that there’s really no good way to end a quasi-threatening, violent, ranting post such as this one, I’ll just go ahead and leave y’all with this remake of one of their commercials.