Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 7, 2011

Science is Turning Me into a Liar

Yesterday, I warned y’all that sitting was going to give you a fat ass and there was pretty much nothing you could do about it.

As it turns out, just a day later, another group of scientists has given us a glimmering ray of hope and turned me into a liar in the process.

There is one tiny catch. You’ve gotta be a mutant (or something):

Scientists have discovered a gene mutation, dubbed the ‘cream gene’ that allows people to rapidly flush out fat from their system.

The study found that even fat-laden pure cream is quickly broken down by those who possess the gene.

Perhaps a simple gene mutation doesn’t make you an official mutant, but honestly, all I’m picturing now are the X-Men sitting around and gorging on Christmas cookies and brownies and just having a blast knowing they’re all gonna have rockin’ beach bodies when it’s all said and done.

All the while the rest of the world is going to be agonizing over every piece of pumpkin pie or crescent roll they shove in their face over the next couple of weeks.

The dude leading the research (who sounds like an X-Men character if I’ve ever heard of one), Dr. Jan Albert Kuivenhoven, focused on two families with unusually high HDL cholesterol (ie: “good” fats) and low triglycerides (ie: “bad” fats):

In one family, seven members had a mutation in a gene called GALNT2 that allowed them to rapidly break down bad fats. In the other family, just one person had the ‘cream gene’.

It is thought that normally GALNT2 hinders the breakdown of triglycerides. The mutation stops this from happening, and they are broken down and flushed out of the body more rapidly.

Dr. Kuivenhoven made it clear that it is too early to say whether the ‘cream gene’ has positive health implications in terms of lowering heart risk.

I guess if you’re looking for a silver lining to this whole thing, maybe that’s it.

Even though the X-Men can go on cramming brownies in their craw all holiday season, there’s still a decent chance their heart will explode on ‘em at any second.

So, uh, there’s that…



  1. The term “cream gene” displeases me. Perhaps because of its homonymical similarity to “cream jean,” You know where I’m going with this.

    Also, I’m fairly certain you have it.


    • I thought that myself as I was reading it.

      …well, that or I’ve got stomach worms.


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