Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 6, 2011

Science is Giving You a Fat Ass (or Something)

Science is just the worst.

Seriously, everything I’ve posted about science in the past week has involved either the imminent death of half the planet or the undeath of a species that really has no reason to be undead.

Today, all I’ve got is depressing news…we’re all gonna get fat asses.

It turns out that sitting is giving you a fat ass.

That’s right, just sitting. Not sitting and stuffing your face with Cheetos. Not sitting and drinking gallons of Coke. Not sitting and injecting lard directly into your veins.

Just sitting. That’s it.

Israeli scientists just did a study and found that the pressure put on areas of the body used for sitting or laying down produces up to 50 per cent more fat in those parts.

We’re talking ass fat, folks. Lots and lots of ass fat.

What’s worse is that even peeps with healthy diets and good exercise habits are screwed if they spend the bulk of their work day sitting at a desk.

The study was spurred when MRI images of muscle tissue in paralyzed patients showed that fat cells were growing at rapid rates. This led them to study the impact (pun intended) that pressure had on boosting fat cell expansion.

Professor Amit Gefen, from Tel Aviv University, summed up the study (in very nerdy terms):

“Obesity is more than just an imbalance of calories. Cells themselves are also responsive to their mechanical environment. Fat cells produce more triglycerides [the major form of fat stored in the body], and at a faster rate, when exposed to static stretching. “

“There are various ways that cells can sense mechanical loading. It appears that long periods of static mechanical loading and stretching, due to the weight of the body when sitting or lying, has an impact on increasing lipid [fat] production.”

So there you have it folks, you’re gonna get a fat ass.

No point in going to the gym. No point in eating healthy. No point in trying to keep the youth of America on the playgrounds and away from the X-Box.

We’re all f’d.

She's good for one thing: Google hits.

If you’re going to be one of those crazy people who has a standing workstation in the office and gets rid of all their furniture at home so they can be standing 24/7, you’ve got a shot, but let’s be honest your feet are probably gonna get hella-fat from all the standing pressure and you’ll look like Sasquatch.

I think it’s time we all realize that ghetto booties are inevitable and, thanks to that vile troll, Kim Kardashian, they appear to be socially acceptable.

Well, certainly more acceptable than gigantic Sasquatch feet and houses without furniture anyway.

So, uh, there’s that.

Embrace the booty, y’all…



  1. […] I warned y’all that sitting was going to give you a fat ass and there was pretty much nothing you could do about […]


  2. […] also means that my previous fears about getting a fat ass and dying due to my desk job are basically unfounded […]


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