Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | November 12, 2011

The Most Unncessary Study of All-Time

I never understand why companies waste good money on studies that are either straight-up pointless or have completely inevitable outcomes.

It seems like every year I find myself reading about half a dozen bajillion dollar studies done to determine whether smoking is really bad for you; or if it’s a bad idea to eat a diet consisting entirely of sewing needles, hot sauce and chow mein noodles; or if slapping a grizzly bear and immediately taunting it by asking “Whatchu gonna do about it, Princess?” is a bad idea.

These are things with pretty obvious conclusions, so I gotta ask, why waste the time and money to learn something you already know?!

That having been said, I’d like y’all to sit down before I reveal the results of a recent study regarding internet scams.

Are you sitting down, because this stuff is going to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.

Men fall for scams on social networking sites more easily than women, according to the results of a survey of more than 1,500 internet users in the UK and U.S.

And it’s not just because women are naturally more cautious when it comes to handing over private information – it actually boils down to the sex factor.

The study, commissioned by anti-virus software company Bitdefender, said men are suckers for a scantily clad female stranger wanting to be their ‘friend’ on sites like Facebook.

Dudes fall for scams involving hot chicks?!

No way. I mean, no f’n way!! mean she's not really single and ready to mingle?!

This is absolutely ludicrous. We’re talking total lunacy here, folks. There’s no way this could be accurate.

Are they implying that the hot blonde chick in the bikini who just asked to be my friend on Facebook doesn’t really want to be my friend and that her request for $10,000 is part of some sort of scam and not just a friend looking for a little help with her rent payment?

That’s gotta be poppycock, right?!

I mean there’s no way Roxxxy Gurl isn’t a real person…who lives in Vegas…and has an occupation of “Partyin’”…hmmmmmmm you know on second thought, maybe there is something to this study.

Granted, they probably could have saved a lot of time and money and just typed up “Dudes like boobies” three or four hundred times.

Anyway, that’s my take on this “study”.

For right now, I think I should call the bank about stopping payment on that check to Roxxxy.



  1. I’m almost certain she is!


    • …she told me she loved me and that if I could get her a plane ticket from Milwaukee to Las Vegas, we could be together forever. Why Vegas and not Boston is beyond me?! Chicks are weird.


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