It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Last week the Pumpkin Spice Latte made its annual return to Starbucks.

I was, as one might expect, very excited. The Pumpkin Spice Latte (heretofore: PSL) is pretty much the only coffee-type thing that I really ever drink.

Now sure, sure I’ll have the occasional iced coffee—sugared up to the max—from Dunkin’ Donuts in the middle of the summer. And all of My Faithful Readers undoubtedly remember my past adventures with coffee, but for the most part it’s really the PSL and nothing else for this guy.

Unfortunately, there are roughly three drawbacks to the almighty PSL.

The first is that it’s a moderate pain in the ass to get one before work, which—let’s be honest—is when I really need one. I’ve got to walk in one of two directions away from work to get to a Starbucks and then circle back to get to my cubicle. Long story short, it adds an extra half-hour or so to my morning commute. Not cool.

The second drawback is that the damn things cost me $5.09 every freakin’ time. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Get a smaller size, jackass…and layoff the whipped cream, fatty.” And you’re right. I could save a buttload if I just downgraded my PSL, but I can’t bring myself to do it. They’re only around for a couple of months or so, why miss out on any of that sweet pumpkin pie in a cup flavor during its oh-so-brief stay?

The third and final drawback—also the one I care the least about—is that these things are apparently fatty as all hell and each cup packs enough sugar to kill a full-sized rhinoceros (note: maybe). It turns out that sucking down 20 ounce cups of sugar water covered in whipped topping is really, really bad for you. Who knew, right?!

Anyway, I realize that all of this bitching about the hard knock life aspects of my PSL addiction is like the ultimate first world problem, but come on, how many other beverages have entire cities competing to get their grubby mitts on ‘em first? How many other beverages have a McRib-like (McRibian?) following? How many other beverages taste like freakin’ pumpkin pie in a cup?

Not many…that’s how many.