Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | April 19, 2010

Patriots’ Day Kinda Rules

Patriots’ Day, Who Knew?!

I’m not gonna lie, before I moved to Boston I’d never head of Patriots’ Day.

In fact, even after we moved out here, I initially thought it was some sort of gratuitous state-wide celebration in honor of Tom Brady and the boys on the gridiron.

As it turns out, that’s not the case. Not even a lil bit.

It’s actually all about commemorating the battles of Lexington and Concord. According to the always accurate Wikipedia, it’s celebrated only in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (that’s right, we’re a Commonwealth, bitches!), the state of Maine, and—oddly enough—is a public school observance day in Wisconsin.

Yeah, Wisconsin…I know, right?!

Anyway, I just wanted to mention a few bitchin’ things about Patriots’ Day for all of my readers who don’t reside here in the Commonwealth, up in Maine, or—ahem—attend middle school in Wisconsin (by the way, if I have any readers—middle school-aged or not—in Wisconsin, I’d love to hear from you!)…and with that, here be the five bitchin’est things about Patriots’ Day.

Paid Holiday

Yeah, that’s right folks. Everyone out this way got to spend today sleeping in, eating Clam Chowder and talking sans-Rs in their jammies, simply because it was Patriahts’ Day. You can’t beat that stuff! For those of us who work Tuesday through Saturday (read: me) this means that I get to duck out for a full day somewhere in the middle of the week and/or show up late and leave early all week to balance hours, good stuff.

Boston Marathon

Let’s be honest, few marathons are as bad-ass or as popular as the Boston Marathon.

Morning Baseball

The Red Sox traditionally play an 11am game against some poor opponent who sticks around for an extended four-game weekend. I’ve managed to attend one of these—tickets for the Patriots’ Day game are pretty steep—and it was a great, albeit rainy, time.

Drunk College Kids

Let’s be real, if you’re going to give college kids the day off, they’re going to start drinking at like 7am, just for the sport of it. This will be even more intense if they have delusions of grandeur involving the marathon and/or the Red Sox game. Luckily, knowing most of the pop-collared peeps around here, it’s safe to assume that they were all either in bed or in the hospital by noon.

Did I Mention the Paid Holiday

Yeah, this one totally deserves a second mention. Growing up in Iowa and attending college in Minnesota, the concept of a “paid holiday” is largely foreign to me. When it comes to paid holidays there are a butt-load of ‘em out here in Massachusetts, but this quasi-fictional one is by far my favorite simply because I know that like 95% of the country spent today at work while I got to sit sleep in and eat cheeseburgers.

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