Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | February 3, 2010

Cheeseburger Chronicles #014

So I was going through the pain-in-the-ass process of doing my laundry on Monday and after tossing my clothes in to start the wash cycle, I had roughly 45 minutes to kill.

I was trying out a new laundromat and only really knew one restaurant close by, the awesome Plough and Stars, but I wasn’t really jonesin’ to drop $15+ on lunch and, as it turned out, they’re closed for lunch anyway.

The next closest option was the Massachusetts Avenue Restaurant.

Now, I should have been wary based on the name alone, but with nearly an hour to kill and some serious hunger brewin’ in my belly it seemed like a no-brainer.

The service was slow. The place was very, very dirty. The food was very—um—“lackluster”…yeah, that sounds way nicer than referring to it as “shitty-ass-shit.”

In what I can only assume will shock all of my Faithful Readers…I got a cheeseburger.

Cheeseburger #014

What: Cheeseburger [technically]

Where: Mass Ave Restaurant

When: February 1, 2010

How (was it): It was bad. Not just like, bland or boring or not good, but legitimately bad.

After asking me how I’d like it cooked [medium, always medium] I assumed I’d get a juicy burger. Instead, I got a well-done hockey puck that tasted like charcoal.

On the bright side it had a partially-melted Kraft single on top that peeled off with the bun when I went to douse it in ketchup to make the taste bearable.

On the more amusing side, if you notice the stick-shaped fries in the picture, those are “curly fries.”

Here’s pretty much how the conversation with, um, “Flo” went when my hockey puck arrived:

Cap’n Charisma: “Um…I don’t wanna be a bother, but I ordered curly fries.”
Flo: “Those are curly fries…”
Cap’n Charisma: “Riiiiiight, but they’re not…you know…curly.”
Flo: “No, curly is the flavor.”
Cap’n Charisma: “Come again…”
Flo: “Curly is the FLAVOR. They’re curly-flavored fries.”
Cap’n Charisma: “…but curly isn’t a flavor. It’s a shape.”

…and then she walked away.

I ate the awful burger and gave her my $5 a few minutes later and walked out, well aware that I had just had my first and last experience at the Massachusetts Avenue Restaurant.




  1. […] How (was it): Believe it or not, this wasn’t the worst burger I’ve had in 2010. That honor still rests in the unwashed hands of the Massachusetts Avenue Restaurant. […]


  2. […] Worst Fast Food-Style Cheeseburger of 2010: Cheeseburger from the Massachusetts Avenue Restaurant (Cheeseburger #14) […]


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