I’m a poor voter.
There’s a pretty significant election in Massachusetts tomorrow and—as is often the case—I’ve paid pretty much zero attention to it.
In fact, to be 100% honest, I didn’t even know there was an election until every commercial break for the past week and a half turned into a succession of back-to-back-to-back-to-back political advertisements.
As such, here is how I’d rank the competitors based entirely on what I’ve seen in the commercials.
Scott Brown – Republican
-The dude drives a pickup truck. I like pickups, so this is a huge bonus for him!
-He makes commercials in front of my old apartment in Southie and more specifically on the doorstep of McGoo’s, the finest pizza place in all the land.
-He had people like Curt Schilling and Doug Flutie showing up to back him at events.
-His daughter, Ayla, is not only an alumni of American Idol, but a hottie as well.
Martha Coakley – Democrat
-She talks funny. Seriously, it sounds like she’s doing her damndest to cover up a New England accent which seems downright ridiculous being that she’s campaigning, you know, in Massachusetts.
-She hangs out with people like Barack Obama, perhaps you’ve heard of him?!
-She hangs out on dark, shadowy streets at night. According to the context of the commercial she’s taking money from lobbyists or something. I don’t even know what the hell a lobbyist is or does, so I’m just going to give her street cred for kicking it with shady dudes.
Joe Kennedy – Irrelevant
-Apparently, this dude is in the race. Granted, I haven’t seen any commercials pimping his candidacy and the only time he’s mentioned is when some news channel wants to make mention of the fact that he’s not related to THE Kennedys.
-Three minutes of less-than-strenuous YouTubing provided only one video. Basically it is the same quality that all y’all could put together if given half-an-hour and Apple’s iMovie software package.
Obviously, if I were basing my vote on commercials alone, Brown has my vote.
Granted, it turns out that there are some “issues” involved with each candidate too, not just commercials.
That having been said, this figures to be a pretty historic election.
If Brown wins, he’d give the Republicans the ability to block Obama’s initiatives with a 41st filibuster-sustaining GOP vote.
If Coakley wins, Obama should, in theory, have a guaranteed vote his way for the foreseeable future.
If Kennedy wins, well, all hell has probably frozen over.
So basically, one year removed from Obama’s inauguration, this special election could decide whether or not Obama’s hands are tied for the next three years based or if he’ll be given a real chance to make strides for change.
Needless to say, I’m pretty stoked to vote tomorrow.
I’ve already taken part in what was undoubtedly the most historic election in this country’s history and now I get to take part in what could be the biggest election during Obama’s reign as Commander and Chief.
I may not follow politics, but damned if they aren’t exciting.