Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 6, 2010

Sweet Dreams are NOT Made of This

So I had a pretty f’d up dream last night and—because it’s my blog and I feel moderately desperate for something to write about—I thought all y’all would just LOVE to hear about it!!

Anyway, it starts off with Taylor Swift showing up at me and Grace’s apartment, only it wasn’t really our apartment it was like a 7-11, but with couches all over the place.

So Taylor has shown up because she’s all-kinds of madly in love with me (all-kinds, I say!) and wants us to start knocking booties, country music style. Whatever the heck that means.

I tell her that despite the fact that she’s on “my list,” I’ll be passing on the opportunity because I’m about to propose to Grace and I figure that hooking up with a hottie country star would probably put a damper on the festivities.

So I go to propose to Grace, but she’s chit-chatting it up on one of our many couches with Johnny Depp.

Johnny Depp who currently holds the top spot on Grace’s list and figures to hold down that spot for the foreseeable future.

Seeing trouble, I run up to Grace and propose to her right there in front of Johnny Depp.

Clearly proving he’s a punk.

She tells me she needs some time to think about it…and goes off to hook up with Depp.

Whilst grieving, I hit on my wonderful co-worker Roshni’s non-existent little sister during a “bring your non-existent younger sibling” to work day at the library.

As a result, I got fired.

In order to earn some cash—and obviously in an ill-fated attempt to win Grace back—I became a professional wrestler. I teamed up with The Peter Norman and we both got matching Coca-Cola tattoos.

Why Coca-Cola tattoos?! Who knows, but they looked bad ass.

We won the World Tag Team titles over the Legion of Doom, which was odd since Hawk—half of LOD—has been dead for roughly a decade. However, Animal and Zombie Hawk were no match for me and TPN or our matching Coke tattoos.

After the match, TPN cracked me in the head with the title belt, teaming up with LOD and I woke up in a hospital.

The hospital was run by pigs, vengeful pigs.

The pigs ate me.

That was the end.

I woke up, totally freaked out and decided to share it with the world.

You’re welcome.



  1. […] blogged about some of my dreams here a time or two before and usually they’re of the zombie or McRib variety, but in the past couple months […]


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