Today is my last Saturday shift for nearly a month thanks to my lengthy Non-Denominational Holiday Break.
As such, I was just hoping to come in and chill out today and get some work done so that things will be in order for when I disappear to the frigid Midwest for two and a half weeks.
Unfortunately, the patrons aren’t in any mood to just give me a nice chill afternoon here at the library. In the first seven minutes we were open, I’ve already had two different encounters with completely illogical nerdettes.
As such, I’m hoping that these were merely isolated incidents and the rest of the shift will go swimmingly?! Maybe…
Why?! No one knows.
The library doesn’t open until 1pm.
In the three-plus years that I’ve worked here, the library always opens at one and closes at six on Saturdays. That hasn’t changed.
Yet it seems there is always an intrepid pack of eager Beavers (get it, because the MIT mascot is the beaver) just chomping at the bit to get into the library before we ever open.
That much has become standard operating procedure at this point and I’ve come to the realization that people—especially stressed-out nerds—are just completely illogical sometimes.
Sure, sure they could just wander a little ways across campus to the Hayden Library, which swings its doors wide-open at 10am or they could—you know—spend their time studying, or whatever the hell it is they’re so eager to do here, in their respective dorm or apartment rather than standing in a lobby, pointlessly bitching about how we’re not open prior to our preordained hours.
Anyway, so I swing open the doors and I’m still in the doorway, propping the door open and the crowd bum-rushes me.
Seriously, it was like a full-on nerd stampede. So there I am, without spurs or a hat or assless chaps or whatever cowboys wear and I’m getting bowled over by some study-hungry nerds.
It was just ridiculous.
I actually got pushed aside and knocked into one of the doors.
Then some chickadee, we’ll call her Sally Sassypants has the audacity to get mad at me, whilst she’s working on trampling over me, like some sort of overgrown bovine.
Cap’n Charisma: “Whoa…take it easy there.”
Sally Sassypants: “Well we’ve been waiting forever!”
Cap’n Charisma: “No, no you haven’t. We open at 1pm and it’s 1pm.”
Sally Sassypants: “Whatever, I was here like an hour ago.”
Cap’n Charisma: “Okay, but we don’t open until now.”
Sally Sassypants: “I know, it’s so stupid. Harvard has better hours.”
Cap’n Charisma: “Well, we’re not Harvard.”
Sally Sassypants: “Obviously!”
With that, Sally took her little Uggs and her cup-o-Starbucks and stomped off into the Dome, presumably to do the all-important studying that I’d prevented her from by not opening the library early.
Making this all the more infuriating is that now—half an hour later—I just went to do a walkthrough of the Dome to make sure no one is leaving their laptops unattended and whatnot (as nerds are wont to do) and found her passed out in one of the chairs.
Perhaps three weeks without Saturday shifts will be good for my soul and/or my homicidal rage.