Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | November 30, 2009

Wanted: Alibis

Hey y’all,

I’m just writing for a little input from all of my Faithful Readers.

You see, Grace and I have some incredibly loud, incredibly obnoxious neighbors.

These folks enjoy slamming the front door and stomping up and down the stairs at all hours of the day, although they seem partial to late-night douchebaggery more than anything else.

When they’re not slamming the aforementioned front door or clomping up and down the stairs in that special way that only jackasses can, they’re upstairs dragging around dead emus and playing croquet, or at least that’s how it sounds anyway.

Anyway, the long and short of this is that I’m pretty sure I’m going to wind up killing these folks and stashing their bodies in a dumpster somewhere and I’m going to be in need of some solid alibis for Grace and myself.

So if you’re creative and have some solid alibis and/or own a secluded cabin where I could be “on vacation” at any given time and place without drawing suspicion, just lemme know.

Thanks in advance.

Your friend,




  1. idea…. i could come out for vacation and we could go rent a cabin somewhere secluded. grace and i will help bury the bodies. that is what good friends are for.


    • oh like the sound of that…plus having help for all the bodies would be wonderful.


  2. These are your upstairs neighbors, right, not your next door neighbors? Because I really liked them and if you killed them there would be A RECKONING in your future.


    • yes, these are my upstairs neighbors.

      no worries.

      now if you could please submit a helpful game plan, i’d be very appreciative.


  3. one word:
    it’s pretty much exempt from every law, so if you’re there, you’re safe. That and Big Dave is well, big…and people tend to not f*** with him.


    • OH!!!

      I like your style.

      Big Dave is like a walking alibi, I can’t imagine anyone dumb enough to question him about anything, ever.


  4. We have a guest room with your name on it. No one would ever suspect that you’d be hiding out in the sleepy hamlet of the H2O!

    Plus I have a creepy pig mask you could wear as a disguise if you’d like.


    • NICE!!

      Big Screen TV, SNES, Nerf Guns galore…yes, this sounds like a wonderful plan.


  5. I am currently plotting the demise of the two Pomeranians that live next door…


    • Perhaps we can help one another. I’ll say you were here. You say I was there and we’re both in the clear!!


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