I woke up far too early this morning and used up most of the good stuff on the internet.
As such, I eventually found myself reading the news—quite a rarity for this former journalism major—and I stumbled upon a story that I couldn’t help but find amusing.
Apparently some “church” in Connecticut, posted a video on their website of a “gay exorcism.” Yes, you read that right…a gay exorcism!!
The video shows a 16-year-old writhing on the floor and vomiting as the church elders attempt to cast out the “homosexual demons” that have inhabited his body.
Shockingly, the video sparked outrage among gay-rights advocates. I mean come on, who would have thought a video equating homosexuality to demonic possession would piss anyone off?! That’s just poppy-cock!
But seriously, what the hell?!
Why a church would want to compare homosexuality to demonic possession, I don’t really know. But that’s their horrendously-flawed prerogative, not mine.
To be perfectly honest, I always thought that exorcisms were only for banishing legit evil spirits or whatevs, like in that movie where that one chick spins her head all around and spits the pea soup everywhere.
Apparently, I was way off. Based on the belief system of this church it would seem that exorcism is like plastic surgery for your spirit. If there’s something you’re not real keen on anymore, be it the fact that you’re a dude who likes other dudes or perhaps it’s something less dramatic, such as…oh I don’t know…like let’s say that you wish you didn’t snore so loud or that you would fart less around your in-laws…no matter what the deal is…you can get an exorcism and make it go away.
I mean I could totally see these same religious practitioners trying to perform I’m Awful at Algebra Exorcisms or Receding Hairline Gene Exorcisms or These Pants Make My Butt Look Big Exorcisms.
Apparently if it’s any random thing that you (or perhaps society) decide ain’t cool anymore or is not going to be fun to share during the first day of school “What I Did Over Summer Break” show and tell session…get it exorcised.
I for one will be going in and asking these folks to hook me up with a Facebook Addiction Exorcism right away. Hallelujah!!