Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | June 6, 2009

You Win This Round, Nougat!!

nougabot bar

Yellow nougat.

That’s it, just yellow nougat.

No fancy new flavors or additional goodies jammed in there, just some yellow dye.

That’s all it took to get me to pay EXTRA for a Transformers-themed Snickers, the “Nougabot Bar” to be exact.

You read that correctly, Faithful Readers, your eighth favorite six-footer with questionable facial hair made the conscious decision to hand a store clerk roughly an extra quarter just to devour a candy bar that is a different color inside.

The worst-part of it all is that I was so hungry when I destroyed the candy bar I didn’t really pay any attention to the fancy-ass yellow nougat…so I went out and bought a second “Nougabot Bar” for another quarter more than a regular Snickers.

So to make sure we’re all up to speed, that’s an extra fifty cents I’ve spent at this point for the nougat (which I honestly couldn’t define as animal, mineral or vegetable if my life depended on it) to get dyed a pale shade of yellow.

This time I went to great lengths to ensure that I inspected the yellowish goo in between bites, thus making my purchases seem moderately less futile.

In the end, I’m not sure who the bigger idiot is: me or Snickers?!

I mean sure, they got me to pay an extra quarter (twice) for what is—for all intents and purposes—a regular old Snickers bar.

The thing is, they dropped the ball something fierce on what could have been a totally bad-ass Transformers tie-in. I mean seriously, if you’re going to pimp a new movie via candy bar, why not have the candy bar “transform” in some way?!

And let’s be honest, there’s really only one sure-fire way to transform anything for the better…BACON!!

It works on steak.
It works on salad.
It works on brussel sprouts.
It works on cheeseburgers for Pete’s sake!!

If there is a product that can make a freakin’ cheeseburger taste better than it already does, that product should be on EVERYTHING, ever. All of it. Period.

Anyway, my ideal Transformers-themed Snickers would still involve the layer of nougat transforming. You see what I’d do is replace the layer of nougat with a nice layer of thick-cut bacon!!

Now that’s a transformation that I can get behind…and feel far less daft for purchasing.



  1. that sounds disgusting. but i support you anyway.


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