Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | May 18, 2009

Oh Come On, Natalie


So I remember hearing rumblings two months ago or so that Natalie Portman and Sean Penn had been seen making out in a bar or something.

I guess I didn’t really think much of it—as is the case with most things involving Sean Penn. Then a few weeks later Penn’s wife, Robin Wright filed for a divorce.

Again, I didn’t think much of it…to be perfectly honest I don’t know how she put up with that soul-sucking douchebag for as long as she did in the first place. More power to her.

But it gets worse, as the rumors (here and here) continue to persist that these two may actually be…**GASP**…an item.

I guess this is where I get confused because Natalie Portman is easily one of the most gorgeous people on the planet and Sean Penn is, well, he’s just kind of a big, creepy asshole. He’s the type of guy who is hanging out in the back of every bar in every city in the world pretending he’s too cool to be there.

I don’t know what Natalie’s self-esteem issues are, but if she’s into weird, awkward dudes…she could simply peruse this blog for about ten minutes and realize that I’m exactly what she’s been looking for her entire life.



  1. oh, come on Graves. You know you’re nothing like Sean Penn. If she likes him, it means she’s into unbearable windbags with no sense of humor about themselves and an epically outsized sense of self-righteousness. And you, friend, are nothing like that at all.


  2. I like that the photo for this post has the caption “yuck.”


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