Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | May 18, 2009

Dear Diary (v.9:pt.2)

(continued from Part One)

Monday – 4:03am

stupid birdA big ole bird just flew smack-dab into one of the gigantic picture windows here in Hayden. I went to go check on it, but it’s still all dark out and I couldn’t really see anything and then all of the sudden it just sorta takes off right by the window…and it scared me.

…I may have squeaked a little. I wish it had been a more manly reaction, like round-house kicking the bird in the face or something…but no, no…I seemingly squeaked like a small child or barn rodent.


F’n Birds…

Monday – 4:17am

So some gal just came up to the desk to have a conversation with me regarding available study spaces…it went something like this:

Some Gal: “Hi…do you like, have a place to study?!”
This Dude: “Uh…yeah, the ENTIRE library is available.”
Some Gal: “Well, duh…I mean like a more private spot.”
This Dude: “More private?!”
Some Gal: “Yeah, like with not so many people.”
This Dude: “There’s like maybe still a dozen people in the library. You can have roughly an acre of space to yourself anywhere you go.”
Some Gal: “I know that…I want something smaller.”
This Dude: “Wait…but you just said you wanted privacy. You can have your choice of gigantic areas all to yourself…”
Some Gal: “Yeah, no…I mean like a smaller space. With better lighting and no other people and maybe someplace comfy to sit.”
This Dude: “Yeah, what you just described isn’t a library…”
Some Gal: “What?!”
This Dude: “Yeah, you just described your bedroom. Maybe you should be working there.”
Some Gal: “Nah, I’ll just go work at one of those tables…I mean, I just got here, I don’t want to walk all the way back to my dorm. I just wish I’d known what the library was like before I got here.”

…yep and that’s pretty much how it ended. She walked off and my head exploded everywhere.

It is really quite messy and I gotta be honest, if the janitors were pissed off about the mess before…this is only going to exacerbate their contempt.

At least I can still technically blame the mess on a nerd.

Monday – 4:27am

I hate when motorcycles drive by. They’re the loudest, most obnoxious things on the planet.

If given the opportunity I would destroy a motorcycle with a sledgehammer.

…but only like a Honda motorcycle…I know better than to mess with Harley dudes!

Headcount – 4:30am – 12 Nerds

Monday – 4:38am

The printer near me just started randomly printing.

Much like the bird, it scared me far more than it should have.

No lame squeaks to undermine my manhood this time, just me jumping and pulling up a fist like I was going to punch someone…in this case, the printer.

I suck.

Monday – 4:45am

I’ve got weird black dusty stuff on me?!

It’s on the knees of my pants and I’m not quite sure how it got there. I wasn’t out shelving or anything, so my knees have just sorta been right here with me the entire time. Weird.

Let the investigation begin.

Monday – 4:53am

You know, I’m realizing right now that I’ve pulled more all-nighters for a big paycheck than I ever did as a student in college. I suppose that means one of two things…

A) I’m a freakin’ genius who didn’t need to waste his time with late night study sessions.


B) I should have been pulling more all-nighters in college to get better grades so that I wouldn’t be working at a job that requires me to work all-nighters in order to earn a decent paycheck.

holmes1Monday – 4:57am

I figured out the black sandy crap!! The bottom part of this table has some weird black, rubbery kind of crap on it. I’ve been rubbing my knees under the table for awhile now and it rubbed off from there.

I’m so totally the Sherlock Holmes of the 2000s!!

Monday – 5:09am

The sky is officially starting to lighten up!! Gotta love the sign that morning is on its way.

Also it is drastically better than the winter overnights where the sun (assuming it makes an appearance at all) doesn’t pop back up until like 8am. That’s some rough stuff to deal with because it just makes the night drag on forever.

Especially during the 12-hour Widowmaker shifts!!

Monday – 5:19am

Just saw a ton of police cars go flying down Memorial Drive and on my way to campus last night I saw a gigantic collaboration of cop cars, fire trucks and ambulances down on Vassar Ave by the baseball field.

I can’t help but think that tonight is a cursed night for all people on, near and around the MIT campus. Tons of flashing emergency lights is NEVER a good sign.

Headcount – 5:30am – 9 Nerds

Monday – 5:39am

Surprise, surprise…Computer Guy is back and checking the machines again. He has been sleeping for a while now and is clearly groggy. He just sorta shook one mouse and when nothing happened he just lumbered off, back to one of the comfy chairs for a little more shut-eye.

I’ll give him this…he’s sure as hell persistent!

Monday – 5:44am

So this Celsius energy drink really ain’t doing much for me. I’m a little bit on the sleepy side, mostly because with the exception of headcounts and going to pee, I’ve pretty much been sitting here in this chair the entire time.

Monday – 5:51am

I just realized that I sent a bunch of work emails in the middle of the night on what is usually my Friday night. As such, I can only assume that everyone who received an email from me will assume I was drunk when I wrote it.

Monday – 5:58am

Fully light out now; it’s crazy how quick the sun just sorta pops up when you’re looking the other way. ‘tis a crafty bugger…

Monday – 6:04am

I just heard someone fall out of a chair. One loud thump on the floor followed by a low, yet audible grown and one simple word…“shit!”

Monday – 6:11am

If you’re reading this that means you’re either an avid reader of my blog, you’re someone who Googled and stumbled here on accident, you’re one of my bosses looking for something incriminating enough to fire me over, you’re an ex-girlfriend and stalking me and/or you’re simply an awesome human being with incredible taste.

Either way, you’ve probably noticed that I have some various “Series” as it were here such as “People I May Heinously Murder,” “Lessons from the Gym” and “Confessions.”

Well, I just wrote a new “Confessions” entry that should be a must read for anyone who closely followed the events of “No Meat Week.”

Monday – 6:18am

bacontaytoOkay, I’m finally starting to get hungry. Apparently all of the meat I ate at Midwest Grill was only able to keep me full for about 14 hours…what a shame.

I don’t have many options here with me, either. I’ve got a bag of Peanut M&Ms or a bag of Smoky Bacon TAYTO chips that the ever-so gracious Carol Robinson hooked me up with last week. Sadly, we had party after party at work that kept me from eating them because I wanted to enjoy them on their own.

I’d eat them now, but eating chips—even bacon-flavored ones—at six in the morning just doesn’t feel right. Perhaps I’ll have to bring them with me on my travels to Iowa. Although I gotta be honest, if I’m working the security line at the airport and I see a dude with a bag of bacon chips…I’d confiscate ‘em every time.

Monday – 6:24am

Just saw a rat/big mouse/small dog run across the floor over by the new books collection. I thought about going to investigate and make sure the not-so-little bugger isn’t chewing up any valuable books…but then decided that the last thing I need to do is get bit by a dirty rodent and contract the plague roughly 24 hours prior to when my plane is supposed to be taking off from Logan International.

Headcount – 6:30am – 6 Nerds

Monday – 6:41am

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a dude can run into the brick wall that is the end of the internet. The internet has been described as vast and endless (granted 3/4 of it is porn) so that limits a dude to roughly a quarter of the internet here on an overnight shift.

Once you take out stuff I’d never read like chick magazines, recipes, cricket scores, anything about Carrot Top and (if at all possible to avoid) Yahoo Answers…it immediately limits my browsing options.

Especially if we simply factor in the stuff I want to read which is usually just baseball stuff. Surprise, surprise they don’t update baseball websites too much in the wee-hours of the morning…something about the complete dearth of new information due to the fact that everyone who plays, manages, watches or writes about baseball is asleep at those hours.

Anyway, for the most part I’ve spent the last ten minutes or so just staring out the windows and watching traffic fly by…although both Yahoo Answers and Sporcle seem to be calling my name?!

Monday – 6:56am

If given the opportunity, I would love to push John Mayer down a flight of steel steps into the waiting paws of a Kodiak bear.

John Mayer is a tool.

That is all.

Monday – 6:57am

…that having been said, I do like roughly five of his songs.

Monday – 7:02am

Alan “Call Me Bruno” Rostoff just showed up, a full hour early. Gotta love that!!

Hopefully it means he’ll let us leave early and I can go ahead and officially proclaim myself “on vacation.”

Monday – 7:11am

7-11…teehee…like the store.

Monday – 7:12am

Now that some time has passed, I can see how childish my previous statement was and I apologize. I know that sometimes I do do things like that.

Monday – 7:13am

I said dodo…heeeheee (like poop…)

Monday – 7:14am

…I’m not going to type anything for at least ten minutes. At this hour, I cannot be controlled or trusted to blog like an adult.

Monday – 7:25am

I kinda want to puke. That can’t be good…

Monday – 7:28am

Pukey feeling has subsided…nice!

Headcount – 7:30am – 8 Nerds

Monday – 7:33am

A few minutes ago I sent a rambling, mostly-incoherent email to Laura McWilliams, The Peter Norman and the ever-radiant Mrs. Bethanie EdwardsPinkus…here’s to hoping that the three of them can work together to decode whatever the hell it was I was attempting to say.

Monday – 7:38am

howimetyourmotherYou know, the more I think about it…the more excited I am for tonight’s “How I Met Your Mother.” That show tends to end each season with a great episode and some sort of cliffhanger. I have no idea what I’m in store for, but I do know that it is Ted’s 31st birthday party, meaning the infamous “goat” finally makes an appearance.

Color me pumped (it’s sort of a darker shade of periwinkle)…

Monday – 7:42am

Computer Guy—once again awakened from his hibernation—is checking all the computers. I am amused, because I saw him look at this watch and then up at the clock and then even pulled out his cellphone. I can’t guarantee they were all in sync by any means…but I can guarantee they all had one thing in common…not a damned one of them said it was eight‘o’clock yet.

That pugnacious little bugger will not give up!!

Monday – 7:47am

Little Known Fact: I often will do a generic Google search for moveable GIF images in hopes that I’ll find a really cool one to use as part of a blog post some day.

Well Known Fact: I may literally be the lamest person on the planet.

Monday – 7:52am

I’m realizing that this time tomorrow, I’ll already have been in the air for an hour. Weird. Just so weird. Here’s to hoping I get in some good sleep (which I never do) before my flight and subsequent trip home for a week of what always amounts to little to no sleep, lots of adult beverages, plenty of tom-foolery and ballyhoo and, as is customary, multiple hours of videogames with my brother.

Monday – 7:55am

We’ve just been granted freedom and by-golly I’m gonna take it!!


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