Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | May 16, 2009

The Douche-Off Pt.2


(continued from part one)

We’re right back in the action, my Faithful Readers…and it is a doozy!!

Douche Two got up and left for a little bit and it was obvious that Douche One assumed victory was his.

So sure of his assumption was he that he actually said, in a fully audible voice (zero mumbleage)…“thank God THAT guy finally left, huh?!”

Now it’s a crafty play to throw down the “Man was that OTHER guy a douche” card…but to do it just moments after he’s left is downright reckless. In a Douche-Off, you can never assume you’ve won.

You’d think Douche One would realize this after his own bait and switch maneuver just a half-an-hour earlier!!

Anyway, so Douche Two comes back…with a clicky-pen!!

I don’t know where the hell he went to find a clicky-pen and I don’t know what makes him think I’m not going to snap first and slit his throat, but he’s going for the kill…BIC-CLICK style!!

After a few minutes of clicking like a madman, it finally pisses me off enough that Our Hero goes over and politely asks him to stop…and by politely I mean this: “Dude…enough with the pen.”

Douche Two realizes his douchieness has extended beyond the realm of the competition…Douche One sees this as a weakness and begins mumbling under his breath about how Douche Two is acting like an ass or something or other.

Douche Two, clearly the morally superior of the two (which is like claiming any of the Jonas brothers are the “manly” one) realizes he is clearly being Out-Douched and admits defeat. To save face, he apologizes to me for being disruptive…but whispers under his breath…“man, wasn’t THAT guy annoying?!”

…and he walked off into the lobby to wait for an elevator as a defeated Douche. But fear not, Faithful Readers, I’m sure he’ll live to douche-again another day.



  1. this reminds me of the time that one outside user ardently advocated that another oustide user be trespassed because he was coughing too loudly.


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