Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | March 25, 2009

BOA is DTM (pt.3)

angryphone0011Continued from BOA is DTM (pt.2)

I didn’t have a chance to call the folks at Bank of America again on Monday, as they were closed when I finished doing my laundry and I was at work all-day Tuesday.

So I figured since Wednesday is my day to go into work late, I’d use this morning as my chance to give them another call and introduce them to my angry voice.

Granted, I don’t know if I have a real “angry voice.”

Too be honest, I think the closest I can come to an “angry voice” is something that would more than likely be described as a “melancholy voice.”

Anywho…so I called up the ole Bank of America customer service hotline again and got some lady named Cheryl. I wasn’t messin’ around with Cheryl, no, no…she wasn’t going to get the friendly Midwestern-dude that Peggy got on my first attempt.

Cheryl: “Good morning and thank you for calling Bank of America, this is Cheryl, how may I provide you with world-class service today?!
Melancholy Man: “You could actually help me with my problem, unlike the last time I called Bank of America’s customer service…”

**A moment of awkward silence. My opening salvo has made connection.**

Cheryl: “Excuse me sir, I’d like to go ahead and apologize for whatever happened last time you called.”
Melancholy Man: “You know Cheryl…here’s what happened last time…I called in on Monday and spent damn near fifteen minutes on hold. When I asked to speak to a supervisor I was told she’d call back…but it’s Wednesday Cheryl and you know what…I still haven’t heard back. Call me crazy, but I don’t think she’s gonna call me, do you?!”

**Another moment of awkward silence.**

Melancholy Man: “So Cheryl, you can provide world-class service by giving me some actual customer assistance today instead of blowing me off like the folks on Monday…”

**Yet another moment of silence, but I can hear her typing.**

Cheryl: “Okay, Mr. Graves…I’m pulling up your record here and according to our notes here you were charged $39 for submitting your payment a day late.”
Melancholy Man: “Cheryl…let’s be real here…I sent that thing in…paid in full…four full days before it was due. I’ve got a Google map up right now and it’s only 338 miles from Cambridge, Massachusetts to Wilmington, Delaware…it’s a five-hour drive. I’ve gotta think four days is pretty reasonable to get that check to you folks. So I’m going to safely say that I did my part by getting it paid…in full…and sent out on time. I can’t control the mail and I can’t control how or when you folks actually process my payment…can I, Cheryl?!”
Cheryl: “No you cannot, Mr. Graves.”
Melancholy Man: “Well then, since I did what I could…don’t you think hitting me with a $39 fee is a little outrageous?!”
Cheryl: “Mr. Graves, I am going to credit your account the $39.”
Melancholy Man: “Why thank you, Cheryl. That is quite kind of you.”

After that it was just a bunch of the usual “is there anything else we can do” and the attempts to talk me into adding another credit card to my stud stable of plastic purchasing power…all of which were rebuffed when I told her I couldn’t afford late fees on more credit cards.

We then bid one another adieu and I am a happy camper.

Do I feel a little bad for being the super douchey caller? Yes. I mean I’ve had to deal with plenty of those folks in my day.

In the end, however, good triumphed over evil and my douchey-phone-etiquette was totally necessary.

Graves – 1
Bank of America – 0



  1. Nope, you just closed all loopholes and gave no wiggle room in a forthright firm manner. Sometimes you just have to do that. Especially, when one of their co-workers played the ‘I’ll call you back’ card and didn’t. You win for that.

    Documentation my friend.


  2. you should have gotten cheryl’s direct number so that in case you ever have any issues again, you can go straight to her.

    i realize i’ve commented on like three or four of your blogs in the last five minutes and that’s weird. but i never get to read your blog during the day, so i have to read it in chunks. lucky you.


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