Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | February 20, 2009



Well, here I sit.

I’m on my couch at 5:24am staring out my window and watching the sky grow increasingly less dark.

This means two things.

One: Spring is near…yippie.

Two: I’ve not slept…boo.

Yeah, see I’m not a morning person. I’m not one of those dude’s who sees 5:00am on a normal basis. I don’t pop out of bed before the proverbial rooster crows. No, no…I don’t see 5:00am unless I’ve not slept at all.

Not sure what it was tonight, but tonight…er…last night was not a sleeping night. Why I don’t know, because at like 9:30 I was yawning and almost dozing off on this very couch.

One could say I was “dog-tired.”

Granted if ‘One’ were to do so, ‘One’ would then have to explain to me what the hell “dog-tired” really means. To be perfectly honest most dogs I know are quite spunky and energetic and hardly ever can be described as tired.

Although, I guess if you’re talking about an old dog, like a really old dog…then I could see it. I mean all those really old dogs wanna do is go die in a forest so that bright ferns may grow in their place.

Anyway, so yeah, at like 9:30 I was darn near ready to hit the hay and then what did my eyes behold upon The Superstation TBS…well it was one of the finest awful movies of my generation, “Varsity Blues.”

I think I’m going to blame my inability to snooze this evening on the entire cast of “Varsity Blues” and their ridiculous Texas accents.

Yes, that seems like a perfectly legitimate claim.

So James Van Der Beek, Jon Voight, Ali Larter, Paul Walker and Amy Smart…ESPECIALLY Amy Smart all ya’ll and your awful accents owe me one night of pleasant, sound slumber.



  1. I woke up at the same time…. ugh, I am not a morning person either. this sucks


  2. Do you think you should maybe also blame the No-Doz + Red Bull concoction you were bragging about earlier in the evening?


  3. No, no, no…that was from like the wee-early morning hours…it just happened to be bragged about all-day.

    I was teetering on the edge of slumber at 9:30 and then BAM…wide the F awake!



    (mispelling courtesy of an attempt to replicate in text the best line of Varsity Blues said in James van der Beek’s incredibly bad Southern accent)

    (whipped cream bikini not included)


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