Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 20, 2009

MLK Day: Encounters of the Crazy-Kind (pt. 2)

Encounter Number Two…

So this dude, we’ll call him “Standards Guy” (because…well…the dude wants some standards) comes in today. We first encountered Standards Guy last Friday and although he’s relatively harmless, he ranks a pretty solid eight-and-a-half on the creepy-scale.

Standards Guy gives this vibe that he maybe spent some time in the military or prison or maybe just a stint in the mafia…either way, he’s a little intimidating up close. He also asks lots and lots and LOTS of questions.

Whilst helping the gal you’ll all hear about in Encounter Number Three, he made sure to ask me some sort of random question every time I walked anywhere near his ‘personal bubble of spooky.’ I think this was his way to ensure me that he was clearly in our libraries with good intentions and not just to be one freaky mofo.

I received all of the following questions…you know, because who wouldn’t ask these types of questions?!

“Where can I get some grub? I‘m wicked hungry.”
“Can I use these copy machines for free?”
“Can I take those standards home? I’ll bring ‘em back.”
“Where’d you get that shirt? I like it.”standardsguy
“Quiet in here today, huh?! I like the quiet.”

…yeah, I like the quiet too?! Please don’t kill me!!

Anyway…so Standards Guy–who, come to think of it, looks sorta like Marv from “Sin City“–is trying to make it completely clear that he’s not some “library loon” that I’m sure he’s read about here at “Blank Stares and Blank Pages.“ So I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s not gonna kill me and spread bits and pieces of my body in the ocean or anything and I go on with my day, despite the barrages of random questions.

Then, a little bit later he comes up to the desk, with–surprise, surprise–more standards questions.

Standards Guy: “So do you guys ever sell your standards when you’re done with ‘em?”
Captain Charisma: “Uh…no, I don’t think so?! I guess I’m not totally sure, sorry.”
Standards Guy: “Well if you ever do, can you guys call me or give me an email.”
Captain Charisma: “…what?!”
Standards Guy: “Is that a problem?”
Captain Charisma: “Well, we don’t generally do anything like that. We have the occasional bookmobile where we sell some stuff that we’re weeding from the collection. I guess you could just subscribe to the libraries news blog for information on when we’re having a book sale, but I don’t foresee us getting rid of standards.”
Standards Guy: “Okay…so no emails or calls?!”
Captain Charisma: “…right.”

So he meanders off and I assume that I’m in the clear even though he seems a bit…um…what’s the word? Let’s go with “huffy.” Yeah, he seemed a wee-bit, “huffy.” Then, about an hour later a now moderately less-huffy Standards Guy comes back up to the desk with a few more questions.

Standards Guy: “Can you guys buy some new standards for me?”
Captain Charisma: “Sorry, but as a rule we only purchase standards for members of the MIT community.”
Standards Guy: “Come on…”

…what a convincing argument. I mean with two words like ‘come on’ I might as well throw down my own cash and just purchase these standards right here and now!!

Captain Charisma: “Sorry.”
Standards Guy: “You guys can keep ‘em.”

…we can keep the standards that we pay for?! Wow, you’re sooooo generous creepy Standards Guy!!

Captain Charisma: “Yes, that actually our policy. We don’t buy them to give away. We buy them to add to the collection.”
Standards Guy: “Then what’s the problem? How about you just go ahead and buy ‘em and then add ‘em to the collection.”
Captain Charisma: “Yeah…I can’t actually buy them. I also can’t make any decisions about allowing purchases for non-MIT people.”
Standards Guy: “Why not?”
Captain Charisma: “Um, yeah…because that’s not my job?!”
Standards Guy: “Whose job is it? Where are they?”
Captain Charisma: “Yeah…it’s a holiday…they’re at home.”

Then he sorta sauntered off, sorta pouting to himself. On the bright-side…he has yet to kill me.



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