Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | January 10, 2009

Reversal of Fortune: Meat


So I’ve realized in the past few days that things as seemingly simple as Mac‘n’Cheese figure to be far too daunting for a man possessing my cooking “talents.” As such I decided tonight to go in a different route.

The ever-enchanting Elissa Derby informed me that she’d stumbled across a non-veggie form of corn dog at the grocery store and I determined that I had no choice but to check it out. Much to my delight, I found a box of chicken corn dogs resting peacefully in the frozen foods section. Granted, it’s not the usual pork, beef, chicken, raccoon combo that most hot dogs are, but I figured ‘what the heck, it’s a freakin’ corn dog.’

Upon gathering my nitrate-cicles it hit me like a left-hook from Rocky…I can cook meat!! Well, let’s not get as crazy as to use the word “cook,” but let’s go ahead and say that I can appropriately warm up meat to the point that it can be consumed with little to no fear of death and/or contamination. To be perfectly honest, I am an INCREDIBLE cook when I have a grill…just ask Grace…I can put flame to meat like nobody’s business. As such, I figured, what the hey…let’s give it a go on the ole stove top.

So I went ahead and–in addition to my chicken corn dogs–purchased bratwurst burgers, bratwurst, buffalo chicken strips, hot dogs, some refried beans, some salad stuff (I do enjoy a good salad) and an onion. So now I’m going to go ahead and rock the meat, because it’s one of the few things that I can actually cook.

Now, granted I’m not Mike Kunkel or Travis Morfitt when it comes to abilities with the dead animal…but I can make it taste all-kinds of edible; apparently far more edible than I can make a boxed pasta and cheese meal taste?!

Here’s to hoping this reduces the odds that I perish prior to Grace’s return…


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