Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 12, 2008

Dear Diary (v.5:pt.2)

Thursday – 10:09pm


Okay, sleeping went better than anticipated. I’ve never been one to take naps and knowing that I can’t just pass out for a nice lengthy eight-hour stretch tends to make my body flip out and stay locked into wide-awake mode. Luckily, I think 32-hours of consciousness or so makes it a little easier for my body to get over its hang-ups and just sorta pass-out.


It took me roughly an hour to get to sleep and then it was pretty restless sleep that involved getting woken up for a text message (Mike Kunkel you will pay for that mistake!) and waking up to pee (thanks to the 14 gallons of water I’ve ingested in the previous 24 hours). By the time the alarm went off at ten, I was already more or less awake, but felt pretty rested…which is all a guy can really ask for, right?!


Thursday – 11:24pm


If your girlfriend says, “You should bring a hat.” You should always listen to her. Write that down. I wandered outside, completely oblivious to the fact that in my quasi-slumber the weather had only gotten shittier, and within a block found myself soaked and cold. It turns out that dollar store umbrellas are not meant for use in the rain, who knew?! I assumed I could make it to work with fairly dry feet if I just skipped the puddles. What I’d failed to realize is that Cambridge is one gigantic puddle. As such, my feet are soaked and by morning dr_pepper_canI will once again reek of library and feet. *sigh*


I swung by 7-11 to acquire the one thing I was missing last night, orange juice. In the process I also picked up a Dr. Pepper for Roshni. Somehow she is able to survive on Dr. Pepper the same way I generally survive on a combination of preservative-laden processed foods and Rockstar energy drinks.


Thursday – 11:41pm


I just ran over to LaVerde’s because I never snagged anything to eat at home. I bought a couple of sammitches and a Slim Fast to get me by. I chugged the Slim Fast before I ever made it back to my cube and plan to devour the chicken-salad sammitch the first chance I get. I’m pretty hungry and in my travels I’ve learned that keeping yourself well-fed is crucial in staying wide-awake.


HEADCOUNT – 12:30am – 46 people (3 more than last night)


Friday – 12:43am


Well, unfortunately this figures to be another relatively dull evening. Tonight’s crowd of nerds, geeks and dudes from Montana appears even less charismatic than last night. There is, however, the possibility that Roshni will snap in the wee-morning hours and kill someone. That is always a safe bet. In fact, since we hired Roshni, I’ve been waiting for the day where she finally felt comfortable enough with her co-workers to let her hair down, kick back…and then savagely attack a patron who complained about being fined for a book that was blatantly overdue by eleven months. It’s gonna happen, I tell you what!! And personally I want to be there when she snaps…I mean, logically, I want to be a safe distance away and preferably behind some sort of bullet-proof retaining wall…but I want to be there nonetheless.


Friday – 12:58am


It just happened!! I’ve been waiting for some sort of omen to let me know where my next two nights of sleepless, library hijinx would take me and some big dude just gave me that sign. He wandered in and made a beeline for one of the computers and then paused just long enough to turn and give me a look that basically screams: “I’m about to do stuff on this computer that I absolutely do not want you to witness and/or report to an authority figure who can actually grow respectable facial hair…”


So he went to move his belongings (read: big stack of soggy papers) to another computer and then it happened…a universal symbol of “bad luck”…his umbrella popped open.  Now I’m realizing that I don’t know exactly why it’s bad-luck to open an umbrella indoors…so I’m going to the definitive source for this type of information…”Yahoo! Answers…”


Question: Why is it bad-luck to open an umbrella indoors?


“Ive done this a bunch of times and the worst thing that happened was i got yelled at by my supersitious grandma and she took my unbrella and didnt give it back…I havent owned many after that…I think i was 6 and im 20 now so….” – submitted by: ‘loved_by_my_angel’


“Because you might wack someone in the eye with it, in the limited space. Or knock things over. That’s why it’s unlucky.
It would also be unlucky to drive a car inside the house, wouldn’t it?” – submitted by: ‘Acai’


“i don’t know the obviously answer but it is said that if u open umbrella indoors,a snake will get into ur house..but i myself don’t really agree with this” – submitted by: ‘Arnold SuasanaSeg’

“No idea, ive always been too scared to try it incase im the unlucky one” – submitted by: ‘the_other_usernames_were_taken

I don’t know about all ya’ll, but I think with solid answers like that it’s enough to know that it is—in fact—bad luck. However, as it turns out, the only types of luck I believe in are ‘good luck’ and ‘potluck’ so I think I’m in pretty good shape. Bring on the bad luck mystical ghosts of Hayden Library…I’m ready.

HEADCOUNT – 1:30am – 40 students (5 more than last night)


Friday – 1:41am


So after listening to everyone talk about my blog, Roshni has asked to see it. She’s now spent the better part of the last hour giggling madly. It’s moments like this I’m happy I paid attention in my creative writing classes.


Friday – 1:53am


Okay, so there’s this dude in the study room who’s trying to rock the whole cool guy with long hair look. I respect that. I tried it. I think it’s actually required that every male try the whole shaggy, hippy thing at some point in college. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was prerequisite for graduation at Minnesota State; two physical education courses, one public speaking course and a semester of long, untamed greasy locks.


Anyway…so this dude is making the effort, and for that I commend him, but he’s doing the weird thing where it’s slicked back on the sides. I think if I had to make a list of the top hairstyles in the world I hate, that would be in the top five. I think my ultimate would be that weird thing chicks do—usually on the red carpet—where their hair is all sorta stacked up on top of their head really high. I don’t know how to define it—or Google it apparently—so I can’t snag an example. But rest assured if you’re ever sporting that look you’ll know it’s the right one because there’s a 78% chance that I’ll punch you in the larynx.


Friday – 2:19am


Just thought I’d take a moment to mention that I’m still caffeine-free, however, my eyelids are feeling VERY droopy meaning I’m having a stroke or I’m getting really tired. Either way I’m sure caffeine is probably the right answer?! No…no…going to continue fighting the caffeine-urge.


HEADCOUNT – 2:30am – 24 students (2 less than last night)


Friday – 2:41am


So Roshni and I just spent like 20 minutes messing around with the really new, really expensive scanner here in Hayden. The whole thing was sorta tweaking out and we couldn’t get the touch-screen to work. After we determined that kicking it wouldn’t get the job done—as well as various other methods that are better not mentioned in a blog commonly read by people who can fire us—we went a different route and tried to restart it.


macgyverOnly wouldn’t you know it, that sucker is hard to crack open. It’s like trying to get into a coconut when all you have is a straw and unless you’re MacGyver…it just ain’t going to happen. Long-story-short, we eventually got in and restarted the computer and all is right with the world…I guess I just really wanted a reason to reference MacGyver…and it wasn’t even a good reference. What a waste; my apologies to Richard Dean Anderson.


Friday – 3:07am


I am growing ever-so weary. Must get up and move.


Time for some shelving…back at the next headcount!


Friday – 3:26am


I was shelving and I read a title that I thought was “Sleep and Hypnosis.” I was quite intrigued, so I flipped that sucker open and started thumbing the pages, only to find nothing about sleep or hypnosis, let alone both. So I went to return it to the shelf when I realized I’d read it wrong and it was “Science and Hypothesis.” Subconscious messages much?!


HEADCOUNT – 3:30am – 12 (5 less than last night)


Friday – 3:36am


Just came back from the headcount and whilst I was counting the rapidly depleting heads, I stumbled upon a dude who was getting his dance-on in the stairwell. It was quite amusing. He had his iPod on and was half-humming, half-singing and just sorta flailing about wildly. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to stay energized.


Friday – 3:42am


Roshni just hooked me up with some Dubble Bubble and life is good again. On a related note…Roshni just busted out some coffee…and poured a bunch of sugar into it.


For anyone who doesn’t know Roshni, let me explain. Think of the most energetic person you’ve ever met. Now imagine what they would be like if they were to snort a line of cocaine and inject a gallon of Red Bull directly into their heart…whilst skydiving. Got that picture? Okay, that’s what Roshni is like at rest. She keeps herself leveled out on Dr. Pepper most days…but this new addition of coffee has me thinking that her middle of the night massacre could be coming sooner rather than later.


Note: If Roshni does—in fact—maim, kill or physically dismantle anyone in the library tonight, I’ll logically have to destroy my entire blog to hide the evidence…just in case you’re wondering why you have a dead bookmark tomorrow morning.


Friday – 4:09am


Ewwwwww…long-hair guy is trying to put the moves on the gal he’s been sharing the study room with. I’m not sure if they’re dating or not, but nothing about their previous body language would suggest they are; either way, watching him rub her shoulders while sporting one of the creepiest grins I’ve ever seen is just a little more disturbing than I can really handle at this hour in the morning.


Friday – 4:21am


So I’m doing a Google search for pictures to put with another blog I’ve been working on for a while now. I Googled “librarian” and wouldn’t you know it, nearly every picture—even with SafeSearch On—is of a half-naked lady who is supposedly a librarian.


Now I don’t know which school these gals work at, but I can assure you I would have been much more dedicated to studying if that were the case at Minnesota State. Granted, I also probably wouldn’t have been employed at the library, thus cancelling out my current job and most-likely the opportunity to “technically” get paid to blog while watching over a mostly-deserted library. So three cheers for no half-naked librarians…I guess?!


HEADCOUNT – 4:30am – 9 students (1 less than last night)


Friday – 4:44am


It seems like lots of people are flocking out now. I think we’re down to roughly five people now…the majority of which are only here because they’re unconscious and, as such, unable to leave the premises.


Friday – 5:03am


Dagumpt, I am feeling quite sleepy again. I’m getting hungry as well; clearly it’s time for a SlimFast. A big ole shot of protein and hopefully it’ll fill me up for a bit as well.


Friday – 5:17am


My big accomplishment for the last half hour or so was that I finally got around to posting the “Librarian Manifesto” blog that I’ve been working on for a little while. Needless to say time is starting to drag a little bit.


HEADCOUNT – 5:30am – 8 students (3 more than last night)


Friday – 5:32am


So Roshni and I were doing a headcount as we saw people come and go in the last hour and the numbers don’t quite add up. Long-haired dude and the lovely young woman he was putting the moves on disappeared earlier, but magically reappeared during the last headcount. I’m worried they were canoodling up in the stacks somewhere.


Friday – 5:46am


Roshni is a shelving machine. She credits it to her time at the public library. Me personally, I shelve for like half an hour and then my knees hurt so bad from having to bend down all the time for the low shelves and I’m just done. Stupid tallness…nah, scratch that…being tall kinda rules!


Friday – 5:51am


Not gonna lie folks—I feel like I’m going to need some caffeine soonish. Although given my competitive nature, I really don’t want to lose this battle…with myself?!


Friday – 6:08am


Time to do some shelving, Roshni’s making me look bad; back around the next headcount.


stack-o-booksFriday – 6:21am


So I was shelving and I came across some books that were sticking way out, so I gave them a little push to get them back on the shelf. At which point a whole mess of books just exploded off the other side of the shelf and fell to the floor. Apparently the shelves are only wide enough for one book in Hayden?! *sigh*


Friday – 6:28am


So long-haired dude and—what we can now assume is—his lovely girlfriend are here at the desk and trying to hunt down a cab. Roshni is doing a wonderful job. She’s hooked them up with a couple of different phone numbers and now she’s looking up the MBTA website for them to see if they can find a bus home. Wowza. That’s Spot Award material right there!!


I’m confused why you’d stay in the library working on crap all night and then finally give up and leave now at 6:30…I mean seriously…at this point, why not finish it out and power through until daybreak. Crazy kids.


HEADCOUNT – 6:30am – 6 students (1 more than last night)


Friday – 6:42am


I was just shelving out at the far-end of the first floor and what did I spy? Well one sleepy little nerd who was leaning back in his chair. Then he sneezed and it woke him up with such a fright that he swung around sorta confused-like at nothing in particular and then just fell off the side of the chair. He got up and looked around to see if anyone had witnessed his impressive sleep-sneeze-flop combo and there I stood. Books in hand, mouth agape and in complete awe. That man might be my hero.


Friday – 7:09am


As is often the case, I think the dude in the glass-enclosed study room is under the assumption that it is either: a) soundproof or b) a real room with walls that go all the way up and perhaps a ceiling. I make this assumption based on his constant stream of burps and farts in the last five minutes or so. That or the dude has been up all night and just couldn’t care any less if he tried. Although he doesn’t look familiar, I think he’s a new player in this game. Man, can you imagine waking up and coming immediately into the library to start studying…gross.


Friday – 7:24am


Speaking of gross things…it’s still raining. And not like, “oh it’s sprinkling now let’s all go outside and dance in the puddles!” No-no…this crap means business. I don’t know if this qualifies as a “Nor’Easter” or whatever exactly the qualifications are for one of those bad-boys…but it’s been downright pouring for a long time now and you know what they say about multiple days with limited sleep and rainy days…they always get me down.


Okay, not really. That’s a bit too melodramatic for my taste…but all the rain sure does make me want to curl up in a tiny (read: maybe 5’4”) ball and just sleep for the next three days or so.


HEADCOUNT – 7:30am – 2 students (2 less than last night)


Friday – 7:37am


So we’ve got two people here. The dude who just showed up and is getting his burp on in the study room (with a super-bitchin’ beard I might add) and this gal who has been passed out in one of the comfy chairs since about 1am. I don’t know why she’d come here to “study” and instead spend the entire night doubled-over and curled up uncomfortably in a chair as opposed to her own bed.


Poor gal.


Friday – 7:49am


Bruno just set us free. We’re off to Barker to begin our day shifts! Wooooo!! Oh and for anyone interested, Roshni is working until 7pm tonight…do wish her luck!!



  1. Agreed! Googling Librarian images is totally nsfw, even when it really is for work.


  2. Just so you know, this guy—–>

    “Just came back from the headcount and whilst I was counting the rapidly depleting heads, I stumbled upon a dude who was getting his dance-on in the stairwell. It was quite amusing. He had his iPod on and was half-humming, half-singing and just sorta flailing about wildly. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to stay energized.”

    Was totally me in college. Only I didn’t work in the library (only open till 4 am during finals week) I worked in the computer lab, and would have been in a flannel bathrobe. And I would have had a tea pot on my table. But the rest of it was totally me.

    And by “was” I totally mean: still is. I am a big one for surreptitious stacks dancing. And I also tend to sing-a-long tunelessly to my iPod while opening the library on Saturday mornings.


  3. […] those who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Roshni, you can get a quick glimpse here, here, here and, of course, […]


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