Posted by: Jeremiah Graves | December 16, 2007

Dear Diary (v.2:pt.3)

Part 3 of my first overnight shift…


Sunday – 1:23am

My legs are all jittery so this second-wind is working out great. Part of me thinks this would be the right time to go shelve a couple carts of books and part of me thinks that it would be a waste to do that while I’m still awake. That’s the crap I save for 3 to 5 when I’m struggling not to pass out.

This place is super freakin’ quiet. I just sneezed and I’m pretty that this chick on the other end of the library crapped her pants because she jumped like 16 feet in the air and squeaked.

Side-note: Between the No Doze and two energy drinks, my pee is neon yellow. You’re welcome.

Door Count #4 – 1:30am – 41 People

Sunday – 1:43am

It just dawned on me that I could slay a nerd very easily right now. They’re all sitting off by themselves with their noses buried in their laptops. All a brotha needs is some chloroform and piano wire and he’d be set.

Sunday – 1:56am

I’m fighting the urge to slam an energy drink. I don’t know if I really need it yet and I don’t want to stick it in my system before I’m in need, otherwise it’s more or less overkill.

This dude is picking his nose like there’s no tomorrow. I don’t know if he finds it stimulates his cerebral cortex or what the dealio may be, but he’s really going to town. I don’t think he knows that I can see him, but let’s be honest at this point I’m pretty much just gawking at him tourist-style. I hope his efforts bring him comfort and joy.

Door Count #5 – 2:30am – 25 people

Sunday – 2:32am

I don’t know if I’m so much pro-New Year’s Resolution. I like the idea of people trying to do something to better themselves; but if it’s something stupid—like a diet that’s going to last three weeks—then I’m not really all about it. That’s why every year I give myself the same Resolution…granted I simply refer to it as my goal for the upcoming year. Every year I plan to be a little bit less of a douche-bag than I was the year before. That way by the time I’m on my deathbed (in about 20 years – if I’m lucky) I’ll have received default sainthood status and I get a straight shot to whichever mythical post-death paradise I choose.

Sunday – 3:14am

I just finished “Moneyball”…aw yeah! It only took me three months…to read a three-hundred page book. Perhaps I’m illiterate and just unaware of it. I think I’m going to put that on my list of things to ponder.

Door Count #6 – 3:30am – 14 People

Sunday – 3:34am

There it is! I just got kicked in the face with a big rush of “holy shit I’m tired.” It’s probably time to go shelve some books and then chug an energy drink. Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot to report on tonight—yet.

Door Count #7 – 4:30am – 10 People

Sunday – 4:35am

I don’t get why more people aren’t hooking up here. Sure they’re all kinda nerdy and socially awkward, but let’s be honest here folks. It’s 4:30 in the morning. Of the 10 people here, at best, half are still conscious. Ironically enough, the dude-to-chick ratio is even at five a piece. So that leaves the option of a crazy-ass nerd orgy…which is making me a little queasy just thinking about it…or they could simply pair off based on the subject they study, the type of laptop they own or perhaps simply on proximity. Whatevs. It’s late enough and “The Enforcer” and I are only wandering around once every hour to make the count.

Honestly, if a couple of nerds wanna get busy this is the time to do it.

1) It’s a cool story.
2) I don’t give a violent, amphibious rat’s ass.
3) It’s a great stress buster.
4) Have I mentioned that it’s 4:30 in the morning?!

Sunday – 4:43am

I just opened this package of cookies I bought at the market and I’ve been super excited for. They’re hard as a rock. I’m all-kinds of disappointed right now. *sigh* As such, I finally broke down and cracked open a Rockstar. Let’s see how that treats me. I think it’s time to start filling out Christmas cards.

Sunday – 4:59am

Just to make this known…the licky-part of the envelopes from Shoebox greeting cards…DELISH!!! MMMMMMMMMM!!!

Door Count #8 – 5:30am – 3 People

Sunday – 5:57am

I just got my Christmas cards all taken care of, booyah!! I don’t really do the whole Christmas card thing usually, but they were on sale and I’m Dutch. It was a match made in heaven.

Sunday – 6:17am

Not much to report. One dude who was watching YouTube videos for the last two hours finally decided to pack up and call it quits. One of the two others who remain has been watching soccer for nearly three hours and when he’s not watching the soccer, he’s wandering away and leaving his laptop unattended. I think I want to just straight up steal the laptop to show him I mean business…that and I think my Mama would appreciate a fine IBM laptop for Christmas!

Door Count #9 – 6:30am – 2 People

Sunday – 7:07am

Okay, I’ve officially hit the 24 hour mark. I’m feeling pretty groggy now, but I’m holding tough. I spent the better part of the last hour shelving, which was good because I’m going to be going into full body coma mode in the next half-hour or so and then anything beyond typing and basic bodily functions is out the window. Three hours left and then I’m a free man; although there is a blizzard outside, which just might complicate my voyage back to Southie. I guess we’ll have to see how that one plays out.

Sunday – 7:16am

It appears as though “The Enforcer” is slipping. He keeps moving from one comfy chair to the next until it seems that he’s about to pass out and then he gets up and walks around a little more, curses under his breath, checks the time on his cell-phone and heads for another chair. Wait…eyes are closed. I think he’s out. Its okay “Enforcer” I’ve got your back!

So I think I’m a lil sleepy too. While I was shelving I heard someone snoring and realized it was me. Apparently, I was just standing there leaning against the stacks and holding a book and either passed out momentarily or my body went ahead and went into sleep mode without letting my brain know it was time to shutdown. Either way, a little awkward.

Door Count #10 – 7:30am – 1 Person

Sunday – 7:31am

Just so everyone knows, two people are being paid practically double-time to keep a library open for one dude, who (much like my right-hand man Greg Padilla) is passed out. I love this job!!

Sunday – 7:44am

The lone dude just left. We are sitting in an empty library; although the idiot left his laptop…because he’s an idiot. So I think he’s coming back. On a side-note, Padilla is unconscious. The blizzard is going like crazy and I’m still rolling in the energy department which is great. It is unfortunate that the whacky-instances that I’ve come to love about overnights have been pretty much nil this time through 😦

Door Count #11 – 8:30am – 0 People

Sunday – 8:50am

Things are looking up; we’ve got three people back in here. Apparently the blizzard isn’t scary enough to keep people away. However, it may be bad enough that my esteemed-colleague Ms. Carol Frederick cannot make it in to work the desk at Barker. If such an instance were to occur…I’m the first contact on the snow emergency list. That means that in lieu of going home and slumbering, I’d stick around here and work from 1-7. Let’s see how that pans out…

Door Count #12 – 9:30am – 7 People

Sunday – 10:04am

I am seemingly a free man. I have yet to hear anything about me needing to cover for Carol…so I think maybe I’ll get while the getting is good.


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