Being that I’m at work and bored–you’re shocked, I know–I decided that I’m going to go over a quick list of the things that I’m really into right now and share them with all of you. Simply because I’m bored and if you’re actually reading this…you are too.
This is easily my favorite thing in the world right now. I’ve never actually seen it. I’ve never actually eaten it. In fact, I probably never will. Most of that is due to the fact that you can seemingly only purchase it in California and even then, only in certain stores that are certified Batter Blaster Distribution Centers.
Logic would say, just order some online and have that crap delivered ASAP. Unfortunately, they don’t take online orders. In addition to that, this pressurized goo has to be kept refrigerated, thus turning a simple request, (“please purchase and ship”) into a very complicated pain-in-the-ass request (“please hunt down at the only distribution center in your area and then send, via refrigerated overnight delivery”) for my California connection.
As such, I will forge on in my life, sans Batter Blaster. Although if ever there was a reason to go visit Johnny in California, this is it!
Right now I have two saved voicemails. Now, if you’re not one of these two saved voicemails…don’t take it to heart. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you and/or the message you left. I’m sure that you used proper grammar and there’s no doubt in my mind that you have a wonderful speaking voice. It’s not you, it’s me.
Back to the two saved voicemails. The two voicemails are both people singing to me. What makes them even better is that they both came out of nowhere.
The first is Mr. Johnathon Kunkel singing Journey’s heart-felt ballad “Don’t Stop Believin’” whilst in what sounds to be a moderately intoxicated state. I woke up to find this waiting for me rainy Saturday morning in June. Needless to say my day was immediately made by this seemingly-random middle of the night call.
What makes it even better is that in addition to the song…it ends with a patented John Kunkel…“I Love You, Goodbye!”
…and let’s be honest is there a better way to end a singing voicemail?
Wait…there just might be a better way…
On Thursday, for no apparent reason at 1:26pm in the afternoon…I’m at work and I get a call from Mr. Travis Mofitt. I’m all confused because first of all, Travis doesn’t call other people. He doesn’t return calls. He sometimes won’t even respond to email. He is pretty much a hermit who—with the exception of his personable attitude and public service oriented job—avoids people at all times.
However, at 1:26pm on a Thursday afternoon in October he decided it was the right time to call and leave me a voicemail; a quasi-singing voicemail. What was he singing you ask?
The theme from Walker Texas Ranger.
He was part-singing and part-talking, but it was the perfect combination that it left me assuming my life was to be taken at any given second…a feeling that was only further emphasized by his closing message.
Once he was done singing the song, there was a brief pause. Just long enough for him to kill a kitten with tack-hammer or take a big bite of watermelon and swallow…and then he sorta lets out what is a whisper turning into a violent warning…“roundhouse kick the face!”
He then hangs up.
Those are the only two saved messages in my phone. I love those two kids.
The World Series
I know, this one is lame and everyone expected it. But seriously, how would I not be into the World Series right now, or ever for that matter.
Now, we all know I don’t mean my mustache. Because we’ve seen what I can do with a mustache and let’s be honest folks…it ain’t pretty.
I’ve got the weird peach-fuzz ‘stache thing that just makes people feel sorry for me and I’ve got the crazy-ass molest-stache that just makes people keep their children indoors when I’m wandering through the neighborhood.
So moving on from my lame ‘stache, let’s get into some good upper lip action. For whatever reason, I have found myself very drawn to an impressive. Perhaps it was due to the handlebar mustache craze that swept through work for roughly a week when the outgoing (“leaving”) Joe Lemelin busted out the handlebars for his going away party or perhaps it was the outgoing (“vibrant in social interaction”) Ryan Gray who whipped out his bars for a themed party at the beach and proceed to keep them around just long enough to intimidate and/or arouse 84% of the MIT campus.
This also coincided with my trip to Cooperstown where the aforementioned Johnathon Kunkel paid never ending homage to the incredible ‘stache (and player) that is Dennis Eckersley.
As if two sets of bad-ass handlebars and the presence of the “Almighty Eck” weren’t enough to give a brother some serious ‘stache envy…there’s the one and only Nikola Tesla.
Anyone who’s paid attention to my blog since I started here knows that I have many wavering feelings toward Tesla. Sometimes we’re friends. Sometimes we’re enemies. Sometimes I think he’s haunted and out to kill me. Yet…he always has that immaculate ‘stache….staring, taunting, tantalizing…damn you Tesla. Damn you.
I don’t know why, but for the last two weeks or so I’ve been craving (and devouring) Buffalo Chicken in its many entities left and right. I purchased some chicken breast patties and made Buffalo Chicken nuggets. Then I made a Buffalo Chicken sub. Then I just took a cold (yet, precooked) chicken patty and covered it in hot sauce and ate it out of my hand while standing in the kitchen and feeling like—I can only assume—a lion must feel after it takes down a wild gazelle and just goes to town.
What’s sad is that since I arrived in Boston I’ve had a consistent, visceral craving for really good Buffalo wings, much like the delicious little slabs of chicken flesh I used to eat at B-Dubbs (Buffalo Wild Wings – for those who never experienced the joy). Unfortunately, delicious wings have escaped me and it’s been nearly a year since I had me some of that sweet, sweet B-Dubbs action. Perhaps that’s where the craving is stemming from?!
Only time and a December jaunt to B-Dubbs will tell.
Photos with Mascots and/or Statues
I don’t know why, but I find that I enjoy getting my picture taken with not only mascots, but statues of people as well. It doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, but I have a theory that is has something to do with my lack of interaction with real celebrities. So essentially, this is like my shot to meet up with celebrities (the statues) and the mascots thing…hmmmmmmmmm…you know I think mascots just sorta kick ass.